Sleep Divorce: Save Your Sleep and Relationship With One Move
If your partner is the source of your sleep troubles, sleep divorce might be right for you. Here's how to do it.
- Certified Sleep Science Coach, Certified Stress Management Coach
Sleep divorce is a term that carries a lot of stigma, but in reality, it isn't that big of a deal; it just means you and your partner have your own sleeping setup. Sleeping separately merely indicates that your sleeping needs don't align with your partner's, and that's OK.
Recognizing when and why you're not getting enough sleep is essential for your health. Investing in separate beds might be the thing that saves your health and your relationship. Let's dig into what sleep divorce is and why it might improve your life.
Are you looking for other tips to make sleeping easier with your partner? Check out how sleeping with separate blankets works, why you shouldn't sleep with your pet and how to sleep with a CPAP machine.
Why do some couples sleep in different beds?
Sleep divorce isn't a type of divorce and doesn't need to carry the weight of such a heavy word. Sleeping in separate beds typically happens because at least one person isn't getting quality sleep because of their partner.
The types of sleeping arrangements will vary. For some, it may mean twin XL mattresses in the same room, queen mattresses in separate rooms or investing in an adjustable mattress that gives you customizable separation from your significant other. Choose what's best for your relationship.
Read more: The Best Mattresses for Quality Rest
Signs you might need sleep divorce:
- Your partner snores or has sleep apnea.
- You wake up often because your partner rolls on top of you or hogs all the blankets.
- You're a light sleeper and wake up when they move or get out of bed.
- You have different sleep schedules from your partner.
- Your nightly habits don't match your partner's. Maybe one partner watches TV to fall asleep or scrolls through social media at the expense of the other's ability to fall asleep.
None of the reasons indicate that you must opt for a sleep divorce. Many people manage just fine with their partner's sleeping quirks. It's a valid option if intermediate fixes fail and your sleep quality suffers.
Here's how sleep divorce may benefit your relationship
It can improve your sleep
Whether it be fighting over blankets, getting too hot sleeping next to them or being woken up by movement, 19% of people report that their partner is the cause of their sleep troubles.
Sleep is vital for our health. When we don't get enough sleep at night our memories, concentration and mood are compromised. Chronic sleep deprivation is associated with long-term health complications including high blood pressure, heart attacks, depression and reduced immune system functioning.
Sleep divorce offers a way to get better sleep if your partner is the cause of your sleep troubles. By sleeping in another bed, you can use the blanket you want, choose the right mattress for you and avoid being disturbed by someone who snores or tosses and turns.
Your communication can improve
Not only can sleep divorce improve your sleep quality, but it may also improve your relationship. Sleep-deprived people can be more irritable and impatient than usual, which can negatively affect their relationships. Some research suggests that sleep deprivation can lead to emotional anger that someone may take out on their significant other. By getting enough sleep, you'll be a better partner.
There are still plenty of opportunities for intimacy
Where there are areas to compromise, it's best to take them. If your normal nightly ritual is to talk and cuddle in bed before you fall asleep, you should do that on one of the beds. Carving out the same time for these activities ensures your partner doesn't feel like you're sacrificing quality time with them. You can sleep in separate beds and be proactive about intimacy before bed or in the morning.
How to talk to your partner about sleep divorce
If your partner's sleep habits are disturbing yours, the reality is that they probably already know there's an issue. Still, bringing up sleep divorce can be tricky. It's important to remember that sleeping in different beds doesn't mean your relationship is struggling; it means you're putting your health needs first.
Be gentle and bring compassion and understanding to the conversation. You both can define what sleep divorce looks like for your relationship. Maybe it's sleeping apart during the work week and coming back together on the weekend. Ultimately, there's no right or wrong way to do it as long as you get more sleep.
Find out how to sleep better every night by using melatonin alternatives that don't make you groggy, eliminating night sweats and showering before bed for restful sleep.