MicroHoo: Wow, is Yahoo doomed
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MicroHoo: Wow, is Yahoo doomed

Culture
Hi, I'm Molly Wood, and welcome to the Buzz Report � the show about the tech news that everybody�s talking about. This week, it�s the return of MicroHoo, and death on the highways. First up, the gadget of the week. The Gadget of the Week is the Apple tablet. I know, what else. The Financial Times reported early in the week that Apple would ship a 10-inch touchscreen device as early as September. It�s rumored to be, basically, an oversized iPod Touch, suitable for watching video, playing music, or reading e-books. Other rumors say Apple might pair with Verizon to offer a 3G wireless data plan. And still more rumors say it would come in at around 800 to 900 dollars � and probably sell roughly that many units. Ok, they didn�t say that last part. But come on. Plus, we all know what the REAL gadget of the week is. Oh, yes. The folks at Taser have released a new model that can shock three people IN A ROW without a reload. Yeah. Basically? A semi-automatic Taser. Tell me that is not totally badass. Say it with me now: �Don�t tase me Bro, Don�t tase me Bro, Don�t tase me Bro,� Ahhh. That�s not funny. But come on. Ok, fine, now for the news. I can�t believe I�m about to say this, but it�s the ongoing saga � of MicroHoo. Yes, after 18 MONTHS of an extended and painful mating dance, Microsoft and Yahoo are finally getting together. Not like, moving in together or getting married � more like buying a time-share. This week, they proudly announced their new 10-year search and advertising deal. Let�s break it down. In typically desperate cougar fashion, Yahoo is doing all the changing � it will outsource all of its search to Bing and get out of the search business entirely. Weird, right? Then again, Yahoo gets the monaaay. Yahoo will handle all search ad sales for the two companies, and take home pretty much all the cash for the first three years. Right on, Yahoo, right? Of course, now Microsoft � not Yahoo -- is the number-two search property in the world, behind Google. Microsoft also gets a 10-year exclusive license to take all of Yahoo�s search technology � and lots of it is really good -- and do whatever it wants with it. And it�s still not clear what Yahoo � plans to DO, exactly. Other than like, email. And content aggregation. So, basically, Microsoft gives Yahoo three years of cash money up front, but gets a huge leg up on the most important business on the Web. They take on Google head to head, build up huge market share, and then you know what happens next. 10 years comes up and Microsoft is out the door, living the high life, and Yahoo�s all alone again without even search in its pocket. This ain�t a business story. This is a country and western song right here. Damn, Yahoo. You are just breaking my heart right open. And in other news this week, science is finally working to prove that texting while driving is really dangerous. A Virginia Tech study finds that truckers who text while driving are 23 times more likely to get into an accident or near-miss than truckers who are NOT texting. And this month, Car and Driver had two of its editors text and drive and then drink and drive to see which was more dangerous. Texting was MORE dangerous. Federal legislators are now pushing for laws against texting while driving in every state. Ok. Fine. I get it. I�ll stop. Do you hear me? I�ll STOP. But what if it�s really important? Ok, ok. I�ll stop. And finally, let�s have a look at what�s Clogging the Tubes. It�s literal video versions of songs you love and their completely trippy videos � so lots of them are from the 80s. There have been quite a few, but I�m happy to say they�re finally catching on. The latest one has almost three million views and � I cannot stop watching. Or laughing. Dude, you�ve got to see the one for White Wedding. Oh, speaking of weddings � it�s Clogging the Tubes EXTENDED version. Because you have got to see these cute people and their ACTUAL wedding entrance, which has 9 million views as of today and got them on the Today show. Don�t you love them? I want to be best friends with them. You are so smart and funny, people on the Internet. And that�s the Buzz Report for this week, everyone. I�m Molly Wood! Thanks for watching.

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