Torture testing the Microsoft Surface tablet
9:55

Torture testing the Microsoft Surface tablet

Culture
Just unboxed my brand new Microsoft Surface that Molly sent me. Of course, she sent me the hot pink version and kept the cool black version, but that's all right, I'm cool with that. I'm actually really digging this device a lot, I don't wanna torture it. I like it; I really, really like it. I think it's sleek, and cool. And the OS is really fun to play around with. But unfortunately, my job is not to enjoy, but to destroy. We're back in the bachelor test kitchen, in my apartment. We're gonna throw the Surface into the freezer, do the cold test first. I'm keeping the case on, hot pink, might keep it a little warmer, we'll see. But I wanna check out how the coldness affects maybe the input of the keyboard, who knows. Throw it in the freezer, all right Surface stay frosty. We're at 2-1/2 hours in the freezer so it's time to check on the Surface. And it is chill-E, still pink. Let's see if it turns on when we open the lid. Hey, look at that no delay whatsoever. I'm putting my password, nobody look. Here we go, and where all systems go. It is, you can see the ice on the screen, it's freezing cold, but man this thing didn't care, it didn't care about the cold. So, cold test passed with flying pink colors. Time for the heat test which means baking in the test kitchen. I'm gonna take off the sensitive keyboard, and since the Surface looks a lot like a baking sheet why not just use it as one. Are you ready for this? It's gonna be a mess, I can predict. Oh, it's touch sensitive. All right, going to the oven, pre-heated at 250 degrees. All right, success, here we go. I'm gonna check on that in a little while. Okay, it has been over an hour in the 250 degree heat of the oven, so it's time to check on our baking to see how the Surface is fairing. Oh boy, delicious. It's very hot to the touch. It turns out the Surface is a non-stick surface. Who is hungry? It's a little overdone, but the good news is the keyboard accessory makes a wonderful knife. All right, it had a little time to cool down and see if it turns on even with egg all over its face. Not turning on, let's try plugging it in if that changes anything. Oops, there we go, just needed a little juice. It's working, but look you can see there's a weird screen discolorations from the heat. And the top here is weird, but you can really see it. Wow. I'm egg-static about the results of the test. I consider myself an eggspert in torturing. And this is eggxactly what I eggspected. The Surface is clearly a high-class device, so we're doing a high-class liquid test. Exhibit A, consider if you will a dinner party where you're sitting around with your friends, sipping some wine, enjoying good times and you think to yourself I've got to share with my friends something I found on Bing, powered by Microsoft, oh Bing has all the best stories, friends, friends gather around, I've got something to show you. Where is my Microsoft Surface? Oh, I'm looking for it, I'm looking for-- oh no, oh no, oh no I spilled my wine all over my Microsoft Surface. Look at it, it's freaking out, it does not like that, it doesn't seem-- it doesn't recognize my fingers anymore. Let's dry it off and see if it passes. Nothing guys, that's a fail. Maybe it's just drunk. So, the Surface did not survive the water test functionally, but we wanna test the durability. Microsoft's Steven Sinofsky tweeted out pictures of them using it like a skateboard to prove just how durable this thing was. So, guess what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna use it like a skateboard. Molly, I see your hot pink keyboard and I raise you hot pink skateboard wheels. Let's do this. That seems pretty solid. Molly, you thought you could embarrass me with the hot pink but no, no, I embrace it. Service is on as you can see. Still no touch recognition so that's unfortunate, but it is on. And we're gonna see if I can skate on it, hope it will die. It hasn't broken. But there's definitely a bend. Pretty impressive. Pretty impressive. Let's see if it turns on; it is not turning on. And it, oh wow, is that, that's a crack, you see that? It's a crack. It's for transportation, you know, not for free styling I would say. I'll see you guys later. The Surface is not functional. It is not functional: the wine took out the touch sensitivity; skateboarding it won't even turn on now, the screen is messed up, but I will say this, the glass on the front is not cracked, I stood on it you saw, I jumped on it you saw, the glass is not cracked, that's pretty amazing. The case cracked but the glass did not crack. So, the last thing we're gonna throw at this thing is the ground. Oh, Surface, I hardly knew you. It landed flat, so that's usually not a bad sign. Yeah, see that was no problem, that was no problem, I mean if you were sitting and you stood up, you know a little scuffing on the corner of course, but that glass is no problem. So, [unk] a little bit. Oh, that did it. Going on the corner, always is a problem. Landed on the power button too, so that doesn't help. So, don't drop it from a height larger than yourself. Well, the Surface is dead. But, you know, I love this little kick stand in the back that it's got to prop itself up. And I kinda wanna check the durability of that, so perhaps the Surface can be used as a foot rest, or maybe not.

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