7 Tips to Set Effective Boundaries and Improve Your Mental Health

Boundaries are a necessary part of life. You set these limits to protect your mental health and maintain healthy relationships. You can set boundaries in any aspect of your life, and there are no rules. Boundaries can look like anything, including learning to say no more often or not taking on more work to maintain a work-life balance. 

Setting boundaries can be hard to do and even harder to figure out how to start. Learn why boundaries are important for your emotional well-being and how to set and maintain them.

For more help understanding your mental health, try these tips to improve your mental health without therapy and six thought exercises to boost your mood.

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Why are boundaries important? 

Boundaries can look different in different situations for different people. Perhaps it's standing up for yourself with your friends or speaking out at work. These are some reasons boundaries are important:

• Protect your mental health and values: Tracy Hutchinson, a licensed mental health counselor who holds a Ph.D, says setting boundaries is key to protecting your mental health in your relationships. When boundaries are pushed, she says it can lead to "feelings of confusion, anxiety or feeling drained," and even a feeling of being violated. When you set boundaries, you honor your mental well-being.
  
• Helps you maintain healthy relationships: Beyond protecting your mental health, setting boundaries in personal and professional relationships keeps them balanced, respectful and healthy. In intimate relationships, couples who check in regularly and express their needs experience more satisfaction than those who don't. In professional relationships, setting boundaries can maintain a level of respect in the workplace while also giving you a work-life balance.
  
• Ensures you're treated with respect: If you continuously fail to set boundaries, you run the risk of setting the precedent that people can walk all over you. Research describes how we can examine our own assertiveness in various aspects of life which includes asking for what you need, conceding wisely, saying no and listening.
  
• Helps you avoid burnout: Failing to set boundaries, whether personally or professionally, can actually lead to feelings of burnout. These feelings of overwhelming stress can result from working too much or bending over backward for friends and family. Studies show that burnout can lead to deeper feelings of anxiety, but setting boundaries can stop this from happening.
  

Read more: What to Know About Anxiety, Signs to Be Aware of and How to Cope

7 tips on setting and maintaining boundaries

Boundaries are self-care, and setting them can be emotionally fulfilling. It can be challenging to know how to begin, so here's a guide to setting boundaries and how they can improve your life.

Define what your needs are 

Before you start setting boundaries, you need to figure out what boundaries you'd like to set. To do that, you need to examine what your needs are. For example, if you want to set boundaries at work where you're not taking work home or working outside of paid hours, figure out exactly what that looks like. Do you need to make sure work stays between 9 a.m. and 5 p.m.? Does this mean having a discussion with a manager? Does this involve turning notifications off on your phone during certain hours? Figure out these parameters first.

Set your boundaries early

Sometimes when you get too deep into a situation, it's very hard to backtrack and set boundaries. It's not always possible to set boundaries early, but do it whenever you can so you don't find yourself stuck in a situation that's hurting your mental health. If you're getting into a new romantic relationship, set your boundaries early on so that your partner knows what you need for your mental health. These conversations can help strengthen your relationship because you understand each other better, and it can also raise any red flags if a partner takes issue with your boundaries.

Practice saying no 

A large part of setting boundaries is learning to say no. One way to get yourself in the habit of saying no is to practice with close friends or family. Let them know that you're working on saying no more often, and encourage them to nudge you into situations where you need to say no. Most likely you'll feel more comfortable saying no to them than you would with employers or people in your personal life you actually need to set boundaries with. The people you're practicing with can also provide support and encouragement.

Use 'I' statements

Boundaries aren't about other people -- they're about you. When you're setting these boundaries and informing the people in your life about them, use "I" statements to let them know that they're important to you. Say things like, "I need to focus on this" or "I need to take a step back here" or "I would be more comfortable if things were like this." This sends the message that these things are important to you and your mental health. 

Be consistent and create consequences if boundaries are ignored 

Once you've started to set boundaries, it's important to stick with them. If you pull back on the boundaries, you run the risk of not being taken seriously when you try to set boundaries again in the future. For people in your personal life who ignore your boundaries, let them know there are consequences, like taking time apart. 

Practice direct communication

When you're setting boundaries, speak clearly and concisely. You might even want to practice what you want to say to people you're setting boundaries with so you can speak confidently. Also make sure to speak to them directly. Make it clear that these boundaries are important to you and, for the most part, they're not up for discussion. If you're someone who tends to apologize excessively, practice what you want to say without including the word "sorry."

Remember that boundaries evolve and change 

While you want to make it clear up front that your boundaries are set for now, don't be afraid to change them later. Just be sure you're doing it on your terms. Your boundaries are important to you, so you should be the only one to make adjustments to them. And it's fine if you want to change it up down the line. 

What are the types of boundaries? 

Boundaries look different across the board, whether they're at work or at home, and different depending on each person. Regardless of what the boundaries are, it's still important to set them when you need them.

Main types of boundaries include: 

• Emotional: Emotional boundaries come into play when you're examining how much of your emotional self you're willing to share with others. If certain people make you feel emotionally drained, you may need to set a boundary with them to prevent them from affecting your mental health.
  
• Physical: Physical boundaries are largely those that require touch and your personal space but can extend to your physical wellbeing, like how much you rest. You have every right to decide how you are willing to be touched, even if it's just a hug. Allowing these lines to be crossed can make you physically uncomfortable around people, which can weigh on your mental health. Not valuing your need for rest can hurt your mental and physical health.
  
• Sexual: Sexual boundaries are those you set forth in intimate situations. These are important for making sure you're comfortable in sexual relationships. You should set these boundaries early in a relationship to ensure you and a partner are sexually compatible -- some of your hard limits might be a deal breaker for others and vice versa, and that's OK.  
  
• Financial: Financial boundaries are all about your money. This might be setting boundaries for how you spend your money on yourself but it also might be setting boundaries with how you spend money with friends. If you have a friend group that always makes plans that involve a high dollar amount that stresses you out, a boundary might be sitting out plans every other time so you're not so financially anxious.
  
• Intellectual: Intellectual boundaries are largely communication related. These are things like understanding when to stop having a discussion with someone, perhaps it's because it's an argument or you're feeling belittled. If those conversations happen frequently at work or with certain people, you may need to set a boundary so you're not feeling these things with these people.
  
• Time: Time-related boundaries involve setting parameters to put value in your time. This might mean ensuring you leave work on time and don't bring it home with you. It might mean cutting off a friend who's late every single time you make plans, devaluing your time. Your time is important and you should be able to spend your time in ways you see fit. 
  

For more on setting boundaries and your mental health, check out our guide to social media and mental health, tips for what to eat to boost your mood and myths about anxiety that may surprise you.