Why You Can Trust CNET Self-Acceptance and Self-Esteem Aren't the Same Thing. What to Know
Self-esteem and self-acceptance are closely intertwined. Here are the differences and how to improve both.
Your self-worth is inherently tied to your mental health. When you feel bad about yourself, your mental health takes a dip. When you feel good about yourself, your mental health perks up. Self-esteem and self-acceptance are two large pieces of your self-worth, but they're not the same.
Your self-esteem can fluctuate because how you feel about yourself is influenced by social interaction, outside validation, hormones and even stress. On the other hand, self-acceptance is a general permission you give yourself to not be perfect.
What is self-esteem?
Self-esteem is your feeling of self-worth that ebbs and flows based on how you feel about yourself and your accomplishments. In low times, your self-esteem may go down. When you're excited about an accomplishment, your self-esteem may be higher than usual.
Studies have linked low self-esteem to anxiety and depression, especially in teens. Feeling bad about yourself can spiral into more negativity. It's normal to have days of self-doubt, but when it's prolonged, it may hurt your mental health.
You've probably experienced low self-esteem if someone has criticized you or you haven't achieved something you set out to. Perhaps you botched something at work or a friend said something hurtful. Either of these things can hit your self-esteem, turning your day -- or week, or month -- into a bad one. That means your overall mental health might not be in a good place temporarily, but identifying what's happening can help you turn it around.
Strategies to improve low self-esteem
While you may not always experience low self-esteem, there are techniques you can use to boost your mental health when you're not feeling your best.
Focus on positive self-talk
According to Walden University, positive self-talk can improve mood and productivity. When you use positive self-talk in your daily routine, you can lift your mental health, and when your mental health is in a good place, you're less likely to feel anxious. When your head is clear, you can get more done. In the same way negative self-talk can spiral downward, positive self-talk can spiral upward. If you celebrate yourself, you'll continue to feel good about yourself.
To engage in positive self-talk, start each day by looking in the mirror and telling yourself what you're proud of. Or you could simply look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are worthy of good things and are successful. You can tailor these statements to whatever you want to target, whether it's work or your personal life.
Identify your strengths and abilities
Along the same lines of engaging in positive self-talk, you should also identify your strengths and abilities. If you've started positive self-talk, you should have identified these two things. Examine the things you know you're good at, then celebrate them. And don't be shy about championing yourself, even if it's something you feel is insignificant. No achievement is too small to celebrate.
When you're not feeling great about your self-esteem, seeing your strengths can be challenging, but it's essential to identify and call back to them in these low moments. Identify your strengths, abilities and achievements now and keep them handy when you need something to celebrate.
Connect with others
Opening up when you're struggling can help you work through it. Low self-esteem can quickly get out of control, so if you feel yourself slipping downward, reach out for help. This can be family, friends, a therapist or even therapy-guided apps that provide resources. Opening up when you're vulnerable can actually be a lifesaver, and it's important to recognize that there's nothing to be ashamed of in asking for help.
Learn when to say no
"No" is a full sentence and should be part of your vocabulary. There are several instances where you can assert your power saying "no." One of those times is when you know something will hurt your mental health. If something is asked of you that you know has the potential to bring you down, don't hesitate to prioritize yourself and say "no." While there are some situations where saying "no" feels tough, especially if you're at work and feel boxed into a corner, you can still say "no." Hopefully, you won't be in any situations where there will be pushback, but if you are, reach out to someone for help.
What is self-acceptance?
Self-acceptance is accepting yourself for who and what you are -- the positives and the negatives. Self-acceptance can improve mental health because it's a state of acceptance without judgment. Once you've reached this point, you have less opportunity for negativity to weigh on you.
Self-acceptance is slightly different from self-esteem, as self-acceptance is more of a constant. Self-esteem, on the other hand, can go up and down based on what's happening around you. Your self-esteem directly affects your mood, while self-acceptance is a neutral state of being OK with yourself.
Characteristics of self-acceptance:
- Seeing your faults and being OK with them
- Being able to respect yourself for who you are
- Championing yourself without needing someone else's approval
- Embracing your negative attributes and understanding they're a part of you
- Seeing your overall worth without focusing on one aspect, whether positive or negative
Practical tips for learning self-acceptance
Self-acceptance is something that you won't achieve overnight. It's a journey to come to terms with yourself as a whole human being, with both faults and successes. Using these tips can help you get to the point of truly loving yourself.
Forgive yourself
A large part of self-acceptance is understanding your faults. There will be things that you don't excel at or that you've messed up in the past, and that's OK. Learning how to forgive yourself for not being perfect can bring you closer to self-acceptance. Accepting yourself for who you are -- the positives and the negatives -- isn't easy and requires seeing those downsides and being OK with them.
Use mindfulness to connect to yourself
Sitting alone with your thoughts can be really difficult for some people, especially if you have negativity rolling around in your head. If meditation and mindfulness are hard for you, try using an app for guided meditation to find your zen. Quieting your brain can help clear out negativity and allow more room for acceptance. In this practice, you can focus on your successes and loving yourself. Your existence is a blessing, and practicing meditative thoughts can help you see that.
Don't forget self-compassion
In the same way you can forgive yourself for your faults, you should also show compassion to yourself. This compassion is necessary for overcoming negativity around your mistakes or things you aren't good at, but it's also a key element in the journey of self-acceptance. You will falter along this path toward self-acceptance, but just understand where you feel off the wagon and get back on. Allow yourself grace in getting to a point of self-acceptance and know that it won't be easy to accomplish.
Learn how to move past disappointments
When things go wrong, it's easy to feel down about them. This is where your self-esteem comes in. Disappointments can hit your self-esteem and make you feel low. But when you've come to a place of self-acceptance, these disappointments don't hurt quite as much. The path toward self-acceptance will be paved with disappointments that will try to throw you off track, and you know what? Sometimes they will. It's the process of moving past them that's most important. Your self-esteem will take a dip when it happens, but each time you overcome it, you'll be one step closer to boosting your strength and not taking as big a hit in the future.
Challenge negative thoughts about yourself
Negative thoughts are hard and can happen when you least expect them. When your self-esteem is low, negative thoughts can run rampant. You're already vulnerable, and if you're not careful, these negative thoughts can become scary. But when you're bringing yourself to a place of self-acceptance, you want to challenge those negative thoughts. When you feel them coming in, stop them in their tracks and throw a positive thought back. Even if you don't truly believe in the positive thought, it could help you focus on an end goal, and reaching out for affirmation can help you reach that milestone.
Too long; didn't read?
Your self-esteem will naturally fluctuate until you reach a point of self-acceptance. The state of self-acceptance, where you truly love yourself for all you are (and are not), is difficult to get to but rewarding when you do. Once there, your self-esteem will stay in a positive zone, and your overall mental health should feel good. It takes work to accomplish, but it's worth it in the end.