Hello, there Mr. Subaru! So nice to see you here at Thunderhill Raceway!
We are so delighted you brought your wing to the party. Its downforce should add 3 miles an hour to your top speed.
We're glad for the quad tailpipes, but remember Mr. Subaru, the party ends at midnight, so try to keep the noise down after the witching hour.
We know the gold BBS wheels aren't available anymore, Mr. Subaru. Pity. This is, after all, a formal party here at Thunderhill Raceway.
Please, Mr. Subaru, join our VIP club. It's reserved for cars with 305 horsepower and 295 pound/feet of torque. Very exclusive.
While your sedan styling cuts a nice jib, we were hoping you would arrive at the party in hatchback form, Mr. Subaru.
Regardless, you should fit in nicely at the festivities at Thunderhill Raceway. Please make your way down pit lane and on to the track.
Ah, we see you have brought three pedals and a mechanical hand brake to the party. Most excellent, Sir Subaru. Most excellent, indeed.
A six-way adjustable center differential? Why, Mr. Subaru you do come prepared to carouse, don't you?
We are, of course, delighted that the six-speed manual transmission is the only one offered. It should make the fete here at Thunderhill Raceway that much more thrilling.
(Editor's note: We apologize for these captions. Please click through to enjoy more photos of the 2016 Subaru WRX STI, blessedly free from commentary from an imaginary butler at a fancy party.)