7 Ways to Support an Anxious Partner

Dealing with persistent anxiety can be difficult for anyone. Whether it's negative thought patterns, worries or a nagging fear of social interactions, an anxiety disorder can disrupt nearly every part of life. 

These disorders don't cause difficulties only for the person who has anxiety, though. They can also put significant strain on their close relationships. When one partner has an anxiety disorder, it can affect the other partner's:

• Emotional well-being: When one partner must bear more of the emotional weight of the relationship, whether in child-rearing or providing general emotional support, it can negatively affect their emotional well-being.
  
• Social life: People with anxiety often avoid social outings, and this may cause difficulties for a partner who values spending time with others.
  
• Finances: If anxiety makes it difficult for one partner to find or hold a job, it may require the other partner to work or earn more to compensate for financial shortfalls. 
  
• Everyday activities: When one partner has an anxiety disorder, day-to-day life may become difficult for the couple. If the other partner has to take on more daily tasks, such as grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning and childcare, it may cause resentment and fatigue.
  

Over time, these issues can add up, putting serious strain on a relationship. The partner who doesn't have anxiety may find it difficult to understand what the other partner is going through. If a couple in this situation wants to foster balanced emotional-wellbeing, it's important to know how to deal with anxiety in a relationship.

Practical ways to support an anxious partner

Helping a partner deal with their anxiety can be difficult. Here are a few tips that may help as you seek to provide support.

Do your research

According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, people with generalized anxiety disorder are less likely to consider themselves in a "healthy and supportive" relationship. Often, their partner doesn't understand what they're going through or why simple tasks can be so difficult for them.

To someone who doesn't have severe anxiety, their partner's struggles may seem overblown. But chronic anxiety can cause debilitating issues, from sleep problems and breathing difficulties to a constant feeling of tension or exhaustion.

Before you can truly provide support for a partner with an anxiety disorder, you must seek to understand how anxiety affects them and what you can do to help alleviate the symptoms.

Recognize the signs that your partner is anxious

Anxiety can manifest in various ways, and different anxiety disorders may cause different symptoms depending on the situation. For instance, someone with agoraphobia may have their anxiety triggered by crowds, while someone with social anxiety disorder may even fear one-on-one social interactions.

Whatever the nature of your partner's anxiety disorder, it's important to learn how to spot anxiety symptoms. For many people, anxiety feels like any of the following:

• Being nervous, tense or restless
  
• A sense of panic or feeling of danger
  
• Sweating
  
• Fatigue or weakness
  
• An increased heart rate
  
• Hyperventilating
  
• Difficulty sleeping
  
• Uncontrollable worry
  
• An inability to concentrate
  
• Stomach pains or other gastrointestinal problems
  
• Wanting to avoid situations that trigger anxiety
  

It's not unusual for someone to feel anxiety now and then. However, if you notice that your partner is regularly experiencing several of these anxiety symptoms, they may need to see a mental health professional to determine if they're dealing with an anxiety disorder.

Validate their experience

Validation is a critical part of therapy for many types of mental disorders. Simply acknowledging what your partner is feeling or experiencing helps them feel understood and supported, and this sets the stage for them to manage anxiety.

Emotionally validating someone's experience requires expressing empathy and understanding rather than judgment. You don't have to agree with their perception of the situation, but it's important to connect with them. 

Here are some examples of validating statements:

• "I bet that's hard."
  
• "I see why you feel that way."
  
• "That must be frustrating!"
  
• "I'm here for you."
  

Whatever you do, don't minimize their feelings. When your partner isn't sure how to deal with their anxiety, knowing they have your support can make a huge difference in how they approach the problem.

Don't try to fix everything

Although it's tempting to try to "fix" a partner with anxiety, this approach rarely goes well. 

Think about it: How much would you appreciate it if they tried to "fix" you? You'd probably start to feel like they're just downplaying your struggles or that you were always failing at being a good partner. When couples start operating this way, it usually leads to each focusing on the other's faults and trying to play the role of a therapist -- a job that doesn't foster equal partnership in a relationship.

Rather than trying to solve all your partner's problems, the best thing you can do is to provide a consistent, listening ear and show them that you support them, rather than pressuring them to live up to your ideals, help them form their own vision of an anxiety-free life and offer them the encouragement they need to strive for it.

Prioritize communication

As far as relationship problems go, communication breakdowns are one of the biggest. A failure to communicate can cause difficulties in any relationship, so it's especially important to prioritize if you're already having trouble.

Simply talking to each other isn't necessarily communicating, either. True communication involves both partners listening and seeking to understand each other. Instead of using "you" statements and telling your partner what they should feel or how they should react, try using "I" statements to share what you think and perceive, and to ask questions about what they're going through. 

For instance, instead of "You need to calm down," try saying, "I see you're upset, how can I help?" Sometimes, that simple shift -- from focusing on them and their reactions to you and your willingness to empathize and help -- can make a world of difference.

Set boundaries

Living with an overly anxious spouse or partner can be challenging. However, it's important to remember that loving your partner doesn't require you to set your own needs aside all the time. 

When you fail to set boundaries for yourself, you introduce unhealthy, codependent dynamics into the relationship. Instead of encouraging your partner to seek the help they need to deal with their anxiety, you make them depend on you to solve problems. This can actually drive them deeper into anxiety and behaviors that feed it. 

Recognize your own needs and limitations -- and respect those by setting boundaries. For instance, say you thrive on spending time with others, but your partner is too anxious to be around people. Explain to them that this is important for your own well-being and that you'd like to schedule time with friends even if they can't be there.

Encourage them to seek therapy

Again, it's important to remember that it's not your job to "fix" all your partner's problems. Someone dealing with an anxiety disorder ultimately needs professional help to learn how to manage their anxiety.

Counseling and therapy can help those with anxiety. By learning to examine their ways of thinking and introduce different behaviors into their lives, they can adopt healthier ways of dealing with the factors that commonly spark their anxiety. And, if necessary, psychiatrists can prescribe medication to help with the process.

Read more: 8 Essential Question to Ask Your New Therapist

These days, there are many options for finding counseling and therapy -- even ones that don't require insurance. And, for someone anxious about going out, many types of therapy are even available online. Offer to help your partner find the setup that will best help them cope with their anxiety.

Understanding your role in your partner's anxiety

Dealing with anxiety in a relationship can be incredibly difficult, but it's a challenge many couples can overcome by shifting perspectives and getting the help they need. Always start by remembering that you can't "cure" your partner's anxiety any more than they can force you to overcome your own problems.

Healthy communication, practice and patience are the most important tools you can bring to the task. When your partner knows you're there to support them, they'll be much more willing to listen and seek the help they need.

Not sure where to look as you get started? Here are a few great resources that can help you connect with help in your area:

• National Alliance on Mental Illness
  
• Mental Health America 
  
• National Institute of Mental Health
  
• Mental Health First Aid