Groove to These Glorious Consumer Product Safety Commission Songs
The CPSC dropped an album of safety-themed songs, and every one of them is a banger.
A new classic in album cover art.
Move over, Taylor Swift. There's a new pop superstar in town, and it's a government agency. The US Consumer Product Safety Commission -- the same agency that recalls dehumidifiers for fire hazards -- has released a seven-track album of songs about wearing helmets and practicing fireworks safety. It's fire.
The album is called We're Safety Now Haven't We and you can download it for free. Don't spend too long contemplating the grammar of that title. The cover hints at the absurdity beyond. There's a cat with a phone, a fox wearing a bike helmet, a Shiba Inu riding an ATV and a bird hanging out with a smoke alarm.
The songs from We're Safety Now Haven't We are surprisingly catchy, especially coming from a government agency. Each tune has a serious safety message. Phone Away encourages you to stash your mobile when you're walking or dancing. It's set to a frenetic club beat. Se Pone Caliente is in Spanish and it's all about checking the batteries in your smoke alarm. (Here's CNET's guide to the best smoke detectors.)
Protect Ya Noggin' (available in English and Spanish versions) is an ode to wearing a proper helmet, whether you're skating, scooting or biking. It's an earworm. The bridge features the spoken-word lines "replace the helmet after any impact to the helmet/helmets are one-time use products and impacts can decrease their effectiveness." Going Off Like Fireworks includes tips about keeping a safe distance and having water on hand to douse fireworks.
The song Off Road Adventure encourages the use of proper gear when riding an ATV. (Check out these top-rated motorcycle helmets.)
The album wraps up with Beats to Relax/Be Safe To, a chilled-out number with a head-nodding rhythm. The only lyrics are "What's that?/Well, how about a marshmallow?/Better." This is the song to put on when you want to fall asleep and dream of safety.
The release of a CPSC pop album may make you feel like you've stepped into an alternate dimension, but it's not a total shock if you've been following the agency on social media. The CPSC team is a meme factory cranking out odd, eye-catching, funny and sometimes snarky public safety warnings. We're Safety Now Haven't We is just the natural evolution of the agency's amusing-yet-serious social presence.
All songs are in the public domain, so feel free to record a cover version or make a remix. The album has a promising subtitle in small print: "Volume I." So if you dig these tunes, there's a chance we'll get some more. Perhaps a rock concept album about overheating air fryers will be next.