Only one thing looks worse than Winnie the Pooh having his face sandpapered off, and that's any gadget covered in Swarovski crystals.
For some reason unbeknownst to us, Swarovski crystals seem to share certain properties with acne -- they appear to crop up on everything at some point in its life, and no-one suffering from them ever appears to be happy.
We're going to look at the five crystal-clad abominations that have stood out over the last few years, starting with one that's only just hit our screens.
Elton John's 'Starburst' iPod nano
Admirably, Elton John's latest release -- Swarovski crystal-encrusted iPod nanos -- aims to benefit victims of HIV and AIDS. Unfortunately, there has been a distinct oversight -- the rest of us poor souls have to look at the obnoxious devices.
For just £400, you can take home one of nine differently coloured 8GB iPod nanos, each of which is just a normal £110 iPod nano peppered with chunks of crystalline vomit.
Oh, yes, delightful reader, part of your money would go to the Elton John AIDS Foundation, and that's a tremendous cause. But far better would be to buy a standard iPod nano, and give £300 in cash to the charity.
"Oh no, not you too, Sennheiser," we said, when faced with an image of Sennheiser's "luxurious" CrystalRoc HD 25 headphones. These were such a delightful model before CrystalRoc got its mitts on them in 2007.
And, to rub salt into the gaping wound, they came with a £300 price tag. £300 to look like you forgot to take your brain medicine? Nein danke, Sennheiser!
Being in fashion generally means you can get away with murder when it comes to looking like a tool. Motorola's MOTOKRZR K1 is a fashion phone, and was hoping to get away with the same crime when it agreed to be encrusted with 300 Swarovski crystals.
But we handed out no get-out-of-jail-free cards to this disgraceful attempt to lure gullible fashionistas. This thing cost $1,200 (£820). You could have a night with a charming lady for that.
On the product page for this otherwise decent Sonoro radio, was written: "One word -- Wow". Frankly, we can think of better words to use. For example, 'Eugh', or the classic favourite, 'Yuck'.
Almost 4,000 individually hand-crafted insults were stuck onto this previously attractive tabletop radio, and for the bargain price of £2,000.
We saved the best (or worst) until last.
Bosendorfer pianos are naturally beautiful in sound and shape. Except for a 2007 model that was brutally attacked by its creators, and forced to live out its life decorated with 8,000 hand-cut crystal scabs.
Only one was produced, and was on sale for $750,000 (£510,000) in 2007. As a bonus for wasting so much money on something akin to Beyonce decorated in pieces of fungus, you got a stool thrown in! And that was covered in crystals, too.