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'Thinking about bags. Also Onstar': Deciphering Chevy's all-emoji press release

Part gimmick, part promotion. Chevy issues a 100 percent emoji press release, and we do our darndest to figure out what it all means ahead of the decoded explanation.

Chevy's all-emoji press release is primed for hilariously bad translations. Chevy

On Monday, Chevy issued one of the strangest press releases we've ever received. Instead of a standard release with news about an upcoming product, Chevy sent a release written entirely in emoji, and ripe for deciphering.

All we know for sure is the release is related to the 2016 Chevy Cruze car slated for later this year, and that we can probably thank emoji-loving snake people -- um, millennials -- for the emoji-laden release. Whatever it actually says, we attempted to translate it for you, dear readers, so read on to get our take.

June 22, 2015

Happy people love cars.

They drive their cars to and from the city while listening to music, then stop. After some days and nights, filled with joy and sadness, but then a new car is born and you will love it. It syncs with your phone, goes bowling with angles and gasses up all of your sporting goods and bicycles.

Thumbs-up to the new bread, dress up in your best shoes and lipstick to see some dancers while you text your friends. Businessmen like this car and say "Great idea for car to make the Earth better."

  • Triangle: Strong for sports people to get trophies and fall in love.
  • Signal: Connects with many smartphones. Cool! Listen to hundreds of books. Cars love phones. Happy diamond. That computer. Loud music.
  • Chair: Seats good for walking men, dancer, more dancers, and a woman who really knows the answer.
  • Gas: In 2015, this car got 35 per bridge. In 2016, more. Thumbs-up YAY! Coming July 15, after many clocks. And the stock market trending upward.
  • Caution: Thinking about bags. Many bags. Also Onstar.
  • Car: Soon flowers
  • Car: All the Earth

Car goes day and night, oceans to mountains, rainbows and sunshine, cities both day and night and even bridges! Car, phone, gas, roller-coasters, love 100 times check!

Search 1911, destination city car music, stop. Chevy on all continents. Chevy to gas love celebrate! Man use computer or phone to visit

Update, 1:15 p.m. PT: We learned how hilariously wrong our translation was when Chevy posted the decoded all-emoji press release to the GM Media page Tuesday. Read the official press release for the 2016 Chevy Cruze here, and follow the #ChevyGoesEmoji hashtag on Twitter to see lots of other horrible translations.