Accident at Large Hadron Collider shunts April Fools' Day to 1 November

A bizarre accident at the Large Hadron Collider has leaked a dangerous amount of comic radiation into the atmosphere, causing April Fools' Day to move to today, 1 November.

The incident occurred during a high-power experiment that went rapidly out of control because CERN scientists absent-mindedly forgot to reset their timers after the clocks went back early yesterday morning.

"No one mentioned daylight saving," said LHC spokesman Dr Jake Hyde. "I did notice the hilariopause showed some statistical anomalies diverging from anticipated paradigm variance, but I really should have figured it out when Antiques Roadshow was on later than usual."

The problem was exacerbated when a bird dropped a half-eaten baguette into the LHC's cooling system, causing the handwavium coils to overheat and generate a global slapstick shockwave. Scientists at the multi-billion-Euro facility warn the public to take extra care over the next 24 hours as hilarious consequences are a near certainty.

Chief engineering officer Dr Montgomery Scott managed to bring the overheated system under control before a complete shutdown was necessary, although he was hampered by a fire hose that proved difficult to turn off. Dr Scott is still assessing the aftermath, but told CNET UK, "This incident has set back our research by some weeks, caused damage that could run to millions of Euros, and made me miss Match of the Day 2."

The catastrophic event was foreshadowed in 2009 by an astonishingly similar incident. "I can't believe this happened again!" wailed a grief-stricken Dr Alfred Necessiter, the scientist in charge of the experiment. "We're doing serious science here and that barmy bread-bombing bird is making us look like a cheap sitcom," he added, before falling down a hole.

Tremors from the comedy explosion were felt halfway round the world in New York at the offices of global spoof regulation agency The Onion. "We prepare for a surge in comic radiation as a matter of course every 1 April," said assistant jape regulator Chad Nackers. "But to have it happen on 1 November as well exposes readers to toxic levels of humour. Suddenly every news outlet is reporting made-up satirical coincidences as if they're real news. Losers."

News organisations across the planet struggled to cope with the unannounced torrent of spoof stories. A horror theme was prevalent as many newspapers and websites hastily adapted Halloween coverage. Nine out of ten sports pages went with some variation on Wayne Rooney being courted by Italian football team Juventus, whose nickname 'The Old Lady' they felt was a humorous allusion to Rooney's predilection for mature women.

The Daily Mail was quickest on the ball, with the hilarious BBC accused of neglecting Christianity as it devotes air time to pagan festival.