The solar eclipse is nigh, so is the end of the world (sigh)

Commentary: A so-called Christian numerologist insists that the hidden planet Nibiru will smash into us. Oh. Again?

Chris Matyszczyk
2 min read

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Where would we be without regular bulletins on our own demise?

The only problem is that you never know which one to believe. After all, today some people are worried we're heading into nuclear war with North Korea

That might make another exciting prediction of our Earth's demise a touch redundant. I'm talking of the notion that the upcoming solar eclipse will lead to a terrible happening. 

No, not your inability to put the key into your front door, but the cataclysmic destruction of our planet. 

According to so-called Christian numerologist David Meade, our days are numbered. He told non-scientific British newspaper the Daily Star that the eclipse is a harbinger of doom.

His basis is a passage from the Book of Isaiah that speaks of the good Lord destroying us when "the Stars of Heaven and their constellations will not show their light" and "the rising Sun will be darkened and the Moon will not give its light."

Then he goes into some mumbling jumble of assertions about the number 33. He finally loops-the-loopy with the notion that the mysterious hidden Planet Nibiru will suddenly appear after darkness has briefly reigned and on September 23 -- 33 days after the solar eclipse -- smash right into us.

Well, that's it then.

Wait, is this the same Planet Nibiru that brought the end of the world in 2012? It is, indeed.  

Didn't you realize? Ever since then we've been living in a simulation. Elon Musk has warned us this is highly likely.

Even in 2012, NASA told us that the Nibiru thing wasn't going to happen. But perhaps it did and now the next apocalypse will merely be a simulated apocalypse.

"An ongoing urban legend," a NASA spokesman told me.

These conspiracy theories provide a little dark relief in times of constant upheaval. Why, back around February 16, the asteroid 2016 WF9 was supposed to smash into us and create all sorts of disaster

I feel sure this didn't happen, as the president tweeted on that day: "Stock market hits new high with longest winning streak in decades. Great level of confidence and optimism -- even before tax plan rollout!"

We're sailing ever skyward. Our potential is limitless. Soon, if you believe Google's director of engineering Ray Kurzweil, we'll be "godlike."

Even if we have to live on Planet Nibiru ourselves, because we've wrecked Planet Earth all on our own.

First published, Aug. 8 at 5:27 p.m. PT.
Update, Aug. 9 at 10:33 a.m. PT: Adds comment from NASA.

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