Microsoft Surface? I've had enough, says Bill Belichick
Technically Incorrect: The Patriots coach says he's going back to paper, because Microsoft's tablets aren't reliable.
Technically Incorrect offers a slightly twisted take on the tech that's taken over our lives.
He's not happy. Is he ever?
It's doesn't carry quite the shock of Brangelina and TomKat.
Or Bennifer.
Either one.
Still, it's a sad day for relationships.
And so it is that New England Patriots' coach Bill Belichick has announced he and the Microsoft Surface have suffered an irretrievable breakdown.
Speaking at a press conference on Tuesday, Belichick was open about his side of what has been a troubled relationship for some time.
"I'm done with the tablets," he said. "I've given them as much time as I can give them."
Tablets, the coach said, are simply "too undependable" for him.
He makes the Microsoft Surface sound like a third-string wide receiver who keeps stepping out of bounds before the catch. Or a sexy catch who keeps stepping out on him.
The bond between Belichick and his Surface began unravelling in January.
Breakdowns, he said, were common. At the time, though, it seemed like the problem was the tablet's strained relationship with Gillette Stadium's Wi-Fi network, rather than the tablet itself.
Just a couple of weeks ago, however, it looked like things were heading for schism. Belichick was seen angrily smashing his Surface against an equipment crate.
On Tuesday, he said he's jilting the tablet for pictures. Yes, pictures printed out on old-fashioned paper.
Rejection stings. But Microsoft seems ready to move on.
"We respect Coach Belichick's decision, but stand behind the reliability of Surface," a spokesman told me. "We continue to receive positive feedback on having Surface devices on the sidelines from coaches, players and team personnel across the league."
The NFL didn't immediately responded to a request for comment.
Belichick's issues might go further than the tablet. The coach complained that much of the technology in the NFL is wanting.
He lashed out at the communications between the press box and the coaches on the field. He complained about the coach-to-quarterback and coach-to-signal caller systems.
"Those fail on a regular basis," he said.
Belichick insists his team's own IT guy is as deflated as he is. He said this is all NFL equipment. The team cannot make repairs to it during the week and only receives the gear on game day.
"I would just say there are problems in every game," Belichick said.
Microsoft has committed a reported $400 million over 5 years to have its tablets featured in the NFL. It can't be amused to hear Belichick's stoic condemnation.
Perhaps, though, Redmond should look on the bright side. At least they haven't blown up.