Siri slams iPad in new Windows 8 ad

Redmond's new competitive spirit reaches a high pitch as one of Apple's favorite pitchwomen is co-opted to trash Apple's famed tablet.

Oh, this hurts.
Microsoft/YouTube screenshot by Chris Matyszczyk/CNET

Microsoft isn't bothering to merely flex its muscles these days.

It's opening fire in all directions, because what is there to lose? Oh, perhaps money. But apart from that.

It's gone after Google in a quite chilling manner. It's gone after the Apple-Samsung phone feud.

So, in a further escalation of hostilities, a new Windows 8 ad sees Microsoft take Siri hostage, tie her up in a chair, and make her tell the truth.

The truth as Microsoft sees it, that is.

So here we have Siri plaintively admitting that she can't do things that fine Windows 8 tablets do.

"Sorry, I can only do one thing at a time," she says, her ire and embarrassment barely constrained.

She confesses she isn't too wily at PowerPoint, either. Well, what is she? Some sort of lowly administrative associate?

When I say "she," Siri is actually talking on behalf of the allegedly aging grande dame of the tablet world, the iPad.

This all takes place in the style of the original iPad Mini ad. It's even complete with a rendition of "Chopsticks," which is allegedly Siri's default when she feels defeated.

I feel sure that those millions who still enjoy their iPads might enjoy offering a rejoinder or two to these firmly worded accusations. They know that she is being forced to say these things.

Here, though, Microsoft ends with a price appeal, comparing the Asus VivoTab Smart (a mere $450) with the much higher price of the iPad.

I wonder if, in the coming days, there will be a smart rush for this VivoTab.

I can reveal, though, that Siri has been released from her captivity. I just asked her about the VivoTab.

She replied: "I found 15 cab companies... 13 of them are fairly close to you."

It's my accent, you see. She still gets confused, no matter how slowly I talk.