Huge snake in toilet bites man while he's doing his business

Hello, horror movie plot.

Gael Cooper
CNET editor Gael Fashingbauer Cooper, a journalist and pop-culture junkie, is co-author of "Whatever Happened to Pudding Pops? The Lost Toys, Tastes and Trends of the '70s and '80s," as well as "The Totally Sweet '90s." She's been a journalist since 1989, working at Mpls.St.Paul Magazine, Twin Cities Sidewalk, the Minneapolis Star Tribune, and NBC News Digital. She's Gen X in birthdate, word and deed. If Marathon candy bars ever come back, she'll be first in line.
Expertise Breaking news, entertainment, lifestyle, travel, food, shopping and deals, product reviews, money and finance, video games, pets, history, books, technology history, generational studies. Credentials
  • Co-author of two Gen X pop-culture encyclopedia for Penguin Books. Won "Headline Writer of the Year"​ award for 2017, 2014 and 2013 from the American Copy Editors Society. Won first place in headline writing from the 2013 Society for Features Journalism.
Gael Cooper

Yes, this is a reticulated python. No, it's not the one that bit the man in Austria. 

Eko Siswono Toyudho/Anadolu Agency/Getty Images

Thankfully, most nightmares don't come to life. It's unlikely your teeth will crumble and fall out, or you'll return to high school unprepared for a math test -- and naked. But here's a nightmare that's reportedly real: A man in Austria was sitting on the toilet when he got bitten by a python. You know where it bit him.

The 65-year-old man (not identified by name, because he needs at least one positive thing to hang on to) "felt a 'nip' in the genital area" while on the toilet in Graz, Austria, around 6 a.m., according to the Associated Press. He then found the albino reticulated python measuring 5 foot 3 inches (1.6 meters) in his toilet. Imagine jumping up and seeing that.

The reptile could be easily traced -- it belonged to a 24-year-old neighbor who had "11 non-venomous constrictor snakes and a gecko in his apartment, in terrariums and drawers." This one had slipped away and used the pipes to escape. Future snake aficionados, please keep all of your toilets closed and drains blocked, thank you very much.

The victim sustained only minor injuries, according to police, but no one is saying how long it's going to take this poor guy to trust a toilet again. 

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