Sometimes my heart sinks like the quality of Steely Dan's later period when I think of all the techies who spend the greater part of their lives hunched over their laptops, in the hope of fame, power and riches.
Or at least respect. Or maybe just decent salaries.
Those techie spines must experience more pressure than the entrails of Madonna's publicist at show time.
I am therefore delighted to have discovered iPosture. iPosture resembles those little batteries you put into your watch or your pocket vibrator.
The idea is that you stick it to your bra strap, your shirt or your bare chest. You can even hang it from a chain and pretend it's a stylish little pendant you picked up at a craft fair.
(Like your tech company CEO. Oh, I'm sorry, no. That's a stylish little pedant, isn't it?)
Anyway, it sounds like a very fine device. You try and put your body into an optimum position. Then you press a button on your one-inch wide iPosture.
While you pore over your laptop, it remembers your perfect position and nags you into submission every time you veer from it.
I imagine it's a little like electro-shock therapy. Or waterboarding. But in a good way.
When I heard about this device, I admit to being somewhat enraptured. I do not enjoy the finest posture.
Years of being brow-beaten by the vagaries of existence and the fierce battle for sporting validation have left their toll in the form of a certain accepting hangdoggedness.
Yet I must confess to bolting rather upright when I read some of the details at iPosture.com.
I am sure that Dr. Moacir Schnapp is a fine professional. He is a neurologist and a director of the Mays and Schnapp Pain Clinic. His iPosture coinventor is Dr. Elma Schnapp, a rehabilitation specialist.
So why do they allow the following logic to pockmark their home page?
In order to entice men to enjoy their little buzzy button, they say: "Men with good posture are seen as more successful."
Whereas the enticement to women is: "Women with improved posture become more attractive."
Does this really mean that men with improved posture remain butt ugly? (While we're here, where did that phrase butt ugly come from anyway? Some bottoms, like some faces, are remarkably attractive.)
And, Lordy, does it also mean that women with improved posture cannot be seen as being more successful?
I am assuming that these two Schnapps often share a bar together.
Perhaps they could tell us which of them has become more attractive and which more successful after they came up with this very interesting invention?