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Piracy is destroying the corn industry, says lawyer

Rick Cotton, general counsel for NBC/Universal, believes that more people watching pirated movies means less popcorn is sold at cinemas -- therefore piracy is hurting innocent farmers.

American mega-network NBC, part of the Universal group, is claiming that piracy is damaging the corn industry. Rick Cotton, general counsel for NBC/Universal, believes that more people watching pirated movies means less popcorn is sold at cinemas. Therefore, piracy is hurting innocent farmers. No, really, someone from NBC actually said that, and from what I can tell kept a straight face while doing so.

With that in mind, it occurred to me that other industries must be affected by piracy. Won't anyone think of the seat fabric makers? More piracy means fewer people sitting in cinema seats, and that means less wear on the fabric and thus fewer replacement seats.

And what of those poor people who make those inedible hot dogs you get at the cinema? Supermarkets would never sell something that contains such a rancid combination of ingredients served in a stale bun. Won't anyone think of the people in that sausage factory?

On the other hand, of course, not going to the cinema actually saves the environment -- you don't have to actually drive anywhere. Plus, if all the cinemas closed down, the land could be used to plant carbon-absorbing trees instead. Movie piracy may well save the world...

See, it's not hard to come up with a guff argument to support your opinion on something. If you want to assert that movie piracy is wrong, that's fine. Just have the decency to admit that it's your bank balance you're really worried about, not some poor corn farmer in Nebraska.