Nick Offerman's handcrafted wood emojis make chats hard
Why toy with digital emojis when you can impress others with smiley faces, cats and poop symbols made from solid oak by "Parks and Recreation" actor -- and craftsman -- Nick Offerman?
When you want to send someone special a little love, or a cat or some poop, skip the usual digital text and use stylish physical emoji symbols made from the finest woods.
On last night's "Conan," "Parks and Recreation" actor -- and master craftsman -- Nick Offerman made a convincing argument to get back to a more old-fashioned way of communication in an amusing fake infomercial for solid oak emojis.
"It's time we got back to a more old-fashioned, more personal and more American way of communication," Offerman said in his faux infomercial. "That's why I'm proud to introduce my new line of handcrafted, solid wood emojis."
After all, Offerman would know how to transform a piece of wood into an emoji worthy of its own segment on the "Antiques Roadshow." Offerman makes fine furniture, canoes and even hand-turned baseball bats as an accomplished wood craftsman in real life.
In 2008, he even released the instructional DVD "Fine Woodstrip Canoe Building with Nick Offerman."
Each emoji is hand-carved from solid oak, is a foot in diameter and weighs around 14 pounds. They retail for $29.99 apiece (though of course they're not actually for sale).
"Communicating with my solid wood emojis is just like using regular emoji, but much, much harder," Offerman says, having removed his protective woodworking glasses.
Lugging around a variety of very heavy emojis in a large drawstring sack looks laborious, but at least you'll choose your words, or in this case symbols, more carefully.
This isn't the first time emojis have been the punch line on "Conan." When the new emoji characters debuted over the summer, Conan attempted to translate them, with mixed results.