HOLLYWOOD--Here I sit, in the rotten core of the great American image
generator, biding my time at a smoothie bar known as Frootz and sipping an
organic kiwi/ginseng/pine needle/ tiger's milk
concoction. Vixens--male and female--glide by with perfect
skin and heels as high as their dogs are long. To console myself, I've just
purchased a beautiful new Borsalino Folar
Hollywood Hatter. C'est magnifique!
I'm down here in Sodom and Glamorrah tracing a rumor going 'round that our
philanderer in chief, President Clinton, will move to the Left--Coast, that
is--after January 20, 2001, when the Constitution spits his two-term
backside out of the White House like a watermelon seed at a barbecue.
Whispers abound--they've even filtered across the pond to the Economist--that the prez will join
good friend Steven Spielberg at his new megastudio, DreamWorks.
It's a bit too early to strike up Hail to the Studio Chief, but
think of the possibilities if Clinton reverses Ronald Reagan's movies-to-politics
hegira. Think about how Bill might have influenced some of Spielberg's
films had he been called on earlier: Paula Jones and the Birthmark of
Doom, Raiders of the Lost Golden
Arch, Jurassic Pants, and even Blouse Encounters of the
Third Kind. I guess there's always the sequels.
Why DreamWorks? Why Hollywood? First of all, DreamWorks donated practically
zip to Republicans during the '96 election but somehow managed to find
$530,000 for Democrats, according to the Washington Post. Also, the
New Yorker recently mentioned that Clinton might move to California
to be close to the eminently Stanfordian Chelsea and perhaps protect her
from U.C. Berkeley students with a few loose screws.
If he doesn't make it in Tinseltown, Clinton might have a tougher time
finding friends up here in la Vallee, where his weak-kneed support
for the forces
against security fraud legislation earned him no brownie points.
Perhaps laying some groundwork for the time when he needs a couch to crash
on, the Slickster appointed new PointCast CEO David Dorman last month to
the "advisory committee" on (take a breath) High Performance Computing and
Communications, Information Technology, and the Next Generation Internet.
Almost as plum as the ambassadorship to Luxembourg, I'd say.
Dorman's no Spielberg, but PointCast is a media company now, right? That's
what their execs have said, and that's allegedly the reason they brought in
Dorman, although I'm not sure how working at SBC Communications counts as
Boy-oh-boy, with all these big media types around, it must be hard to get a
table at the finer eating establishments. Will consulting for Wired
Ventures make restaurant life easier? Wired hired hand Roberta Jacobs,
quoted in fashion rag Glamour, thinks so: "When I'm taking clients
to lunch, my assistant reserves a good table for me and tells the right
people who I am. That way I don't have to pull rank to get extra attentive
eyes at the local alt-paper SF
Weekly noticed the comment and decided to check for the proof in
the pudding. Jacobs's power of propers was about to collide with the harsh
reality known as the San Francisco restaurant seating chart.
The Weekly called some trendy city restaurants and tried to schnag a table for dinner
based on the strength of the Jacobs/Wired names. After several rounds of
"Who?" and "Wired what?" only did the venerable Tosca--a bar that
has no food service and didn't recognize either name anyway--give the faux Jacobeans a mercy table.
The d?nouement: A week later, the paper printed a small response
from Jacobs: "Please let your assistant inform my assistant where I'll be
dining Friday night!" Nice touch, Roberta. You're even funnier than those "Fired" T-shirts. (Mine's size XS--extra Skinny.)
Speaking of fired, word has it that the new revenue-driven CNET will replace me with an automated Matt Drudgebot if you don't send me your deepest, darkest tech dirt.