Be honest with me. When you go on a dating site, what are you there for?
Are you truly looking for the partner of your everlasting dreams? Or do you prefer those dreams to be short and temporary?
I need to know because I have just been given exclusive eyes to a study that seems to compare how much men and women value exclusivity.
The principle behind this study was eclectically profound. Forty profiles were created for the dating site OkCupid. Twenty were male and 20 were female. The photographs of real, malleable people were used.
The profiles were written in such a way as to suggest that each individual enjoyed a particular relationship status.
They were "Seriously Single," "Recently Taken," or "Married Maybes." Then there was a quite pulsating category: the "Brazen Cheats." These were people who were looking for something and knew exactly what it was.
In order to spice the hotpot of temptation, these profiles were sprinkled around the five most unfaithful cities in America -- as judged by affair site AshleyMadison.
These, should you happen to live there and not realize, are Oklahoma City, Miami, Houston, Austin, Texas, and Washington D.C. (Yes, D.C is only fifth.)
Next, the test creators (more about them shortly) waited for the responses. As usual, the men received a mere fraction of the responses that the women received.
However, here is the news: the Brazen Cheats got the most responses. That would be the Brazen Cheats of both sexes.
Before you rush to confront your most significant partner about this highly significant statistic, may I urge you to stay a little longer? There was a qualitative difference between the two sexes.
The Brazen Cheats who were women received more responses than even the single women. The Brazen Cheats who were men also received more responses than the single men.
The only marginal difference was that 80 percent of responses the male Brazen Cheats received were either invective ("you're sad") or inquiries as to whether really, no, really, this person was a brazen cheater.
I have embedded the whole gamut of joyous conclusions that this little study engendered below.
Naturally, as with all research, I prefer to first cover myself with Lot's wife. Then I look to see the sources of the research.
This study of fickleness and faithlessness was conducted on behalf of an organization called Recovery.org.
The site bills itself as helping patients recover from drug and alcohol addictions. However, it also claims to help with all sorts of problems, such as food-related disorders and -- something quite de rigueur these days -- sex addiction.
In this case, the study does echo another OkCupid experiment performed last year which suggested that men don't mind dating psychopaths.
A natural conclusion is that men go on dating sites not merely to obtain sexual favors, but to obtain what appears to be the easiest route toward those sexual favors.
Another conclusion might be that women can see men coming from a mile away.
However, for all those who might have higher standards (or at least think they have), I have just been sent some dating tips from a site called Are you Interested?
This site's recommendations moved me to Googling local monasteries.
Apparently, the most effective first question when dating online is: "Where are you from originally?"
Then there's this: "Women, don't be afraid to reach out to the men! If you express interest in 10 guys, there is a 75 percent chance at least one of them will be reciprocate. So start reaching out!"
Yes, only 75 percent.