Technically Incorrect offers a slightly twisted take on the tech that's taken over our lives.
I tend to find the silly in the apparently serious.
Occasionally, though, the obviously silly comes along and I think: "Wait, might that be actually serious?"
And so it was that on the pages of WLS-TV in Illinois, I espied a man with bottles and cans stuck to his head.
I grew up with quite a few people who crushed cans on their heads. But this was something far more elevated.
It seems that Jamie Keeton has some sort of magical properties in his body that cause inanimate objects to stick to him.
The sheer delight of being able to stick a bottle of fine wine to your head and then walk into a fancy restaurant would be incalculable.
Keeton told WLS that he has no idea why this phenomenon is his. One doctor reportedly told him he was simply abnormally hot. In temperature terms, I mean.
On his website, however, he specifically says that he has a skin condition that suctions things to his head, hands and even knees.
Keeton didn't immediately respond to a request for comment. It's unclear whether any doctor has given his alleged skin condition a name, or how many others in the world might have similar properties. There are certainly others who claim to have all sorts of apparently supernatural powers.
You might think that this is less about suction and more about suckering the public.
However, he's been performing for quite some time now and no one seems yet to have caught him out. In 2010, he bemused Ellen Degeneres on her show, though occasionally, the cans and bottles did fall off his head.
I can't believe I've missed him all these years. He says on his website that during Nascar events, he averages around 60,000 photos a day. His Twitter feed is full of pictures of him with people and cans.
He told WLS that he discovered his talent 23 years ago when he first shaved his head. He was at a ball game and suddenly wondered where his drink was. He'd reached up to catch a fly ball, you see. He missed the ball, but the drink was, yes, stuck to the back of his head.
Perhaps the most glorious part isn't that this is a mere party trick. He says he makes money out of his head.
He can earn up to $1,000 a day, he said, promoting people's products by sticking them to his head.
Wouldn't you adore that job? Just think what you could do for Head & Shoulders.
In today's technological mess of a world, though, it's a relief to discover that it isn't just bottles and cans that are attracted to him.
Cell phones stick to his dome too, which is surely the height of convenience.
He demonstrated to WLS with the reporter's iPhone and then mused: "Look, I'm hands free."
Wouldn't you adore being the one to explain that to a police officer who pulled you over?