LAPD asks Gaga, Kardashian, Kutcher to tweet traffic news

Stars can, sometimes, be vehicles for good. But can they be good for vehicles?

This question, which almost sounds like a lyric from a Sheryl Crow song, is resonating around Hollywood because the LAPD has decided that only the likes of Lady Gaga, Ashton Kutcher, and Kim Kardashian can save the city from crazed drivers.

The way the Los Angeles Times tells it, the local police are so worried that their forthcoming closure of the 405 Freeway will lead to a hysteria not seen since The Blues Brothers decided to go for an evening out that they have begged these three famous tweeters for help.

Indeed, they have reportedly asked the celebrities to warn their millions of fans via tweets that on the weekend of July 15, it will be as if LA's freeways have become the world's largest movie set. The world's largest closed movie set, that is.

Kutcher, being a public-spirited sort, has already performed his public tweeting service.

He wrote: "LAPD askd me 2tweet: 405fwy btwn 10 & 101 will b closed July16-17. In xchange I would like a free pass on that stoplight tickt IT WAS YELLOW."

Some might wonder: Why so cheap?

Her Gaganess, though, has yet to offer up a traffic news tweet, at least at the time I am writing this. Perhaps her people are still negotiating with the LAPD's people, who are balking at her request that, in exchange, the LAPD should dress all of its officers in pink tutus for that whole weekend.

The LAPD told the LA Times that it is also contacting Kim Kardashian for help. That, though, may be a troubled task, given her vast immersion in her plans to wed a vast basketball player. (Although, worryingly with the NBA lockout, he is technically out of work.)

But wait, just as I write, Special KK has, indeed, tweeted the precise same details as Kutcher.

This is America at its finest. This is, on this Independence Day weekend, precisely what we expect of our most vaunted public figures.