Google has finally chosen to be socially conscious.
Oh, of course I'm kidding. Just like those deeply witty Googlies who have reportedly decided to make an April Fool's jape out of jail.
Fast Company appears to have accessed an April 1 amusement, in which the repression-averse company claims it will make jails a better experience for the masses. Which presumably includes mass murderers.
The idea is Google Jail for Communities. And, in the reported words of the company for whom doing evil would constitute doing time for life, this experiment comprises an attempt to bring the finest aspects of the Googleplex to our overworked, understaffed and sometimes slightly malodorous prison system.
On the movie that Fast Company unearthed, the alleged product manager of this scheme claims that Google Jail represents "next generation incarceration."
Jails, according to this confident college boy, are "the one nexus where we can explore the future of social networking, community and new applications, all while warding off evil." (Yes, a Nexus joke.)
Indeed, Google is looking to "deliver Googleplex-style services more than 100 times better than what most imprisoned Americans have access to today, including robot toilets that also serve as a bidet." Google promises to "re-program" at least 50,000 and possibly up to 500,000 prisoners.
As you watch this video, you will, no doubt, hoot at the mention of "killer apps" and the delightful phrase "safely and sustainably detain people." You will scarcely be able to keep the inner fluids from emerging out of several of your orifices as you hear this little man tell you that "we want to break into jail as quickly as possible."
Naturally, there will be a few of you, conspiracy theorists all, who will decide this is no joke.
You will feel that you are all now, in some delicious and subtle way, prisoners of the Google machine. And that Google is laughing at you, as you squirm in the cell that is your laptop and socially network with those who used to be your friends, but now, thanks to Buzz, are publicly known associates.