Donald Trump demands larger iPhone screen

It's one thing for Apple to ignore whiners who criticize it. But when a true business genius speaks, Cupertino must listen.

Chris Matyszczyk
2 min read
He's not happy. ABC News/YouTube screenshot by Chris Matyszczyk/CNET

Apple is used to the criticisms of the unwashed, the ungainly, and the unbelievably style-challenged devotees of invective and Android.

It tolerates them like one of those gold-painted men on seaside boardwalks, who stand perfectly still in the face of ludicrous human provocation.

I am not sure, though, that Apple can possibly ignore the latest brickbat tossed its way. This isn't from some slick, twin-mouthed analyst or a pundit with a perverse inside track.

No, this is from perhaps America's most prominent, most successful, and most carefully spoken businessman. Yes, Donald Trump.

Speaking not merely for himself, but for the whole future of American industry, Trump took to Twitter on Monday to do what he does best: say the unsaid to startle the undead.

He tweeted: "As an addition, Apple must go to a larger screen now--asap! They're losing their standing in the market!"

I am confident that Cupertino has never felt an earthquake more powerful than this. When Donald Trump tells you that you are losing your standing in the market, "asap" cannot be quick enough for your reaction.

Apple's Tim Cook should immediately call Jony Ive into his office and demand that a 6.5-inch iPhone be ready for production within the hour.

He shouldn't tolerate Ive's prissy insistence that he hasn't quite got the right feel of curvature for the product. He should hiss with contempt at the mere notion that the precise shade of tangerine matters in the slightest.

This thing should ship and ship now.

If Ive stands impassive, staring into the distance, Cook should look him in the eyes and scream: "Can't you see that we're losing our standing in the market?!"

If that doesn't work, Cook might even have to resort to Trump's signature constructive phrase. You know the one.

The wise always realize: When Donald Trump speaks, he speaks for America.

Apple, you have been warned.

Clearly, Apple must act now. Screenshot by Chris Matyszczyk/CNET