Apple's new iPhone 7 ad drowns us in confusion

Technically Incorrect: It's supposed to make you feel you can turn the speakers up loud. And it sort of suggests the phone is water-resistant.

Chris Matyszczyk
2 min read

Technically Incorrect offers a slightly twisted take on the tech that's taken over our lives.

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"What's going on in this ad? I don't know. I'm just an actor."

Apple/YouTube screenshot by Chris Matyszczyk/CNET

It looks like a movie.

But it's one of those movies that asks you to interpret what it might mean.

Or, as Americans prefer to call it, a foreign film.

Here, then, is a new Apple ad, set in a faraway land.

A man of advanced years is sunbathing by a pool. His costume is tight and white. This man has lived.

He has an iPhone 7. He turns up the speakers, because the iPhone 7 has new, more powerful stereo speakers. Oddly, the suddenly loud sound of Arturo Sandoval's "La Virgen de la Macarena" bothers no one.

Perhaps this man owns the whole resort. Perhaps he is the local mayor, mafia don, drug lord or soccer team coach.

The man leaves his iPhone on the table at the side of his lounger. It sits amid a little water that came from, oh, a splashing diver or, perhaps, a member of the film crew.

We never really know.

He climbs up to the top diving board. Still the music plays loud.

We see that the water puddle around the phone has gotten slightly bigger. But it's a sunny day and no one has been diving. Everyone is focused on our hero.

He jumps. The music still plays. His phone gets splashed a little, but not too much.

What are we to conclude? Here's what strikes this here viewer.

The iPhone 7 can be very loud and people will love this, even more than they love ghetto blasters on the beach.

Also, the iPhone 7 isn't waterproof. It's merely water-resistant, so don't try and jump off a high diving board while it's strapped to your arm.

This may completely destroy your iPhone 7.

Instead, leave it somewhere where it won't get splashed much, turn it up very loud and watch how no one around you will be annoyed and everyone around you will gaze on you with awe.

Also, become someone important in your locality.