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Apple fanboys fight back against Samsung

Apple's most faithful take criticism to heart. So they have begun to create their own versions of Samsung's ad which declares the iPhone to be not all that.

He's whaling in, is Ismael.
Ismael Del Toro

Today's focus is squarely on the concepts of justice and hurt.

When one person hurts you, should you give them another chance? Or should you expose them publicly for the myopic, self-centered, vacuously cruel, mendacious individual that you believe them to be?

Yes, I am talking about the painful rumors that Robert Pattinson has taken Kristen Stewart back.

However, a passing observation is that Apple fanpersons have chosen the latter option, rather than Pattinson's former.

For they find the Samsung ad that runs today all over America -- the one in which Samsung declares its Galaxy S3 to be (rationally) far superior to the iPhone 5 -- an insult to both their hearts and their minds.

As CNET reader Ismael Del Toro wrote to me late last night of Samsung's ad: "I just hated the ad. So I added things."

I display here his version of "Call Me Ismael, Samsung, you punks." Quaintly, he believes that Samsung is merely a bully.

Still, his version of the ad suggests that, though Samsung's ad boasts that its screen is far bigger, you have to "use 20 inches away for eye comfort."

His bile bubbling in his inner cauldron, he further suggests that the extra talk time of the Galaxy S3 is "practical for telemarketers," just as the 790hrs of standby time is "practical when not in use."

Further, he suggests that the Galaxy S3's extra weight is "because plastic is heavier than glass or aluminum."

Feel the aggression. Josh Cohen

His, though, is not the only expression of disgust offered by Applepersons. I am grateful to the fine reader whose comments handle is "obviouslynotduckwithnukes" for passing me a version by Josh Cohen.

His work of art simply scrubs out the headline and offers some alternative substantiations.

For example, where Samsung boasts of S-Beam, Josh suggests an Apple alternative: e-mail.

Where Samsung crows of Smart Alert, Josh offers Apple's Repeat Alerts (in iOS settings).

And where Samsung insists it has the wonderful Picture in Picture feature, Josh merely sniffs: "Beyond inconvenient."

Business Insider offers more parodies, which range from the complex to the very simple. (Sample: It doesn't take a genius. To figure out which one of the phone (sic) is uglier.)

I display the original here below and expect there will be more parodies to come, after the hangovers wear off and the pain becomes more acute.

I will repeat the small truth I offered yesterday, which is that gadget manufacturers seem to rarely learn that people don't buy gadgets because of the vast array of features.

It's a little more human than that. Just like R-Patts and K-Stew.