11 questions we're asking ourselves after 'Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice' (spoilers)
Zack Snyder's bleak vision of the iconic characters left us with a few things to ponder, like, why is life so awful?
You've seen "Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice", the new film in which the mightiest heroes of DC comics get together to smash up buildings and scowl at each other, and now you have some questions.
Here's our list of the things that left us pondering about DC's superhero showdown.
Spoiler alert! This article has as many spoilers as "BvS: DoJ" has deafening explosions, frowny faces and people getting punched in the head. Which is to say: a lot. So don't read this unless you've seen the film! But once you have seen it -- and read our review, of course -- read on, and tell us in the comments what questions you've been pondering since staggering out of the theatre.
Why so serious?
"BVS: DoJ" involves a bunch of conflicted, traumatised people living in a world of pitiless mass destruction and sudden, random, pointless death. Instead of creating a story where Superman's nobility and positivity balance Batman's darker tendencies, director Zack Snyder pushes both characters into unrelentingly bleak territory. What happened to superheroes for kids of all ages?
Why doesn't Clark report that Superman is innocent?
The story begins with an attempt to frame Superman for killing a bunch of people -- at least I think that's what happens, it's not very clear. But when Superman is accused, why don't Lois and Clark write up the story to explain what really happened? They were both there. While they're about it, they can ask that lady from the hearing why she blamed Superman when he had nothing to do with it.
"It wasn't me, honest."
In fact, how does Clark Kent have a job?
Superman's alter ego disappears from the newsroom regularly, and when he is there he spends his time arguing with the boss instead of using his superspeed to knock out 300 words on last night's game like he was told. Honestly, with print in the state it's in these days he's skating on very thin ice.
Why didn't the world's greatest detective just Google it?
Batman has been tracking the name "White Portuguese" for a while when he discovers it's not a man, as he first assumed, but a ship. Doesn't the Bat-computer have Google?
"Google? That's not a real word!"
What the holy hell is going on in that desert dream sequence?
"BvS: DoJ" strays into the darker reaches of the spectrum, and the stars turn barely recognisable as the iconic characters who have delighted and inspired generations. But that's not enough for Snyder, who in the middle of the film throws all logic and sanity out of the window in some kind of lengthy fever dream where he reinvents Batman and Superman as warring god-soldiers in a post-apocalyptic landscape, Batman gunning down baddies until he is swarmed by winged demons. It's utterly bonkers and I love it.
In fact the more I think about it, the more I want to see weird Mad-Max-John-Wick-desert-Batman get his own movie.
Can you steal a digital photo?
To be fair, Wonder Woman is a couple of hundred years old. My mum's half that age and she doesn't get computers either.
"A digital camera, y'say? So where does the film go in?"
Why does Lex Luthor blow up his assistant?
Poor Mercy Graves. Maybe that's what happens to Lexcorp employees when they get a second written warning.
What does it take for the workers of Metropolis to leave their desks?
A frickin' alien spaceship is floating over the city blowing the crap out of the place, and the workers in Bruce Wayne's building don't evacuate until their boss rings up and tells them they're done for the day. That is one dedicated workforce -- in our office we bugger off to the pub if the printer runs out of toner.
"I don't care how big the spaceship is, you've got filing to do!"
Who was that time-travel guy?
Marvel had a five-film head start before it did a team picture, so in order to catch up, DC has a lot of continuity references to shoehorn into "BVS: DOJ". We got the references to the Flash, Aquaman and the Joker, but that guy who appeared and yelled at Bruce Wayne that he was too soon, that was just bizarre.
Why is Batman such a Batjerk?
Batman has literally one rule: no killing. You could change his costume, his car, pretty much anything about him and he'd still be Batman -- but you can't change that one rule. So why does he spend a large chunk of "BvS: DoJ" driving a tank over cars full of people, blazing away with miniguns, and, oh yeah, literally branding dudes with a red-hot Batpoker? Batfleck is a jerk.
When is "Captain America: Civil War" out?
End of April. Because the next time we see a superhero movie, we really, really, really need a joke or two.
What questions are bothering you since seeing "Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice"? Head for the comments faster than a speeding bullet to tell us your thoughts.
