Twitter is stupid
4:20

Twitter is stupid

Culture
Welcome to the Buzz Report. I'm Brian Cooley in for Molly Wood who threw her back out at a Yoga summit meant to teach an iPhone grip that doesnÕt attenuate its signal. First, the Gadget of the Week: The gadget of the week is the Sanidoor. When you go into a public restroom youÕre faced with one of lifeÕs immutable hard truths: You gottaÕ come out. That means you gottaÕ touch that door handle, the one the last guy touched after fumbled around with his parts and never going near the sink. So you can either expose yourself to the vile and invisible, make a hand condom out of a paper towel, or beckon the Sanidoor! Sanidoor is motorized bathroom door and a sensor panel that tells the door to open for you, no touchy. Now I hope nobody got a patent for this since the principle already exists on lowly towel dispensers, faucets, soap dispensers and kitchen garbage cans. Regardless, it solves the worst thing about public bathrooms. Well, 2nd worst. OK, 5th worst. 10thÉ Now the news: A few weeks ago it was Prince telling us the internet is over. This week itÕs Charles Barkley telling us Twitter is stupid. Maria Bartiromo got an earful of it on CNBC: Bartiromo: 15 million people watched it on CNN, anotherÉ Barkely: ThatÕs like people who Twitter, they got no life. I think anybody who twitters, they an idiot, and I think anybody who sit around and watch that an idiot also.Ó Cooley; Alright, look, itÕs just you and me here: HeÕs sort of right, isnÕt he? TwitterÕs not as stupid as Foursquare, but itÕs up there. And most of us who use it do so because others use it in one big orgy of self promotion. That said, IÕve love it if youÕd tweet this episodeÉ I wonder what Sir Charles would think of Ivy Bean: 104 years old, 56,000 followers, 1,000 tweets and dead. She died this week, the oldest known user of Twitter, she regaled her followers with tweets on meeting Gordon Brown, singer Peter Andre, each time the staff at the home snuck her in an order of fish & chipsÉ DonÕt get me wrong, I get the feeling she was a delight. But her story bolsters the Cooley Truism, which holds that just as anything purchased with condoms is funny, any instance of technology used by someone really old is charming. AT&T has long taken solace in the conventional wisdom that iPhone owners use so much more data than other smartphone users you gotta cut AT&T a bunch of slack for their often B.S. network. So theyÕre gonnaÕ hate this survey. Research firm Validas found that Verizon users squeeze their data network harder than iPhone folks yet seem to love what comes out the other end. Sorry, AT&T, one more place where you really canÕt blame your users. And before we wrap the show, letÕs confront the elephant in the room: iPad users are dicks. Even if youÕre not, you look like one with that big showy thing. You have one? You know what I mean. ItÕs that icky Òlook at me/look how much cooler I am than you/come ask me about it/my apartment doesnÕt allow dogs so I got this instead of a Labrador puppy to get chicks to talk to meÓ feeling. Well, now that tooliness is documented. By some site called MyType, which does profiling based on social network usage. Ipad ownership has a high correlation to what are known as ÒSelfish ElitesÓ. Not a pretty label. And that iPad owners are prone to Anger, Lust and Overeating. So, now we know that the perfectly manicured disembodied hand in those apple ads is connected to an angry, selfish, lustful atheist who likes to eat. IÕve got a feeling thatÕs not really the image Apple had in mind. ThatÕs the Buzz Report, Molly is back next week. I am Brian Cooley.

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