All three major voice assistants do a pretty good job of controlling your smart home or answering random trivia questions.
But the real question is which one of these is the best at being a friend?
Because apparently, I go through friends faster than ferrets go through drywall.
Which is just pretty fast.
On the other side of this partition right here, we have three smart speakers from Amazon, Apple and Google.
And I have my assistant over here, Molly, a former friend of mine, who's going to manually toggle each one of these smart speakers.
And then I'm just going to ask them questions that I would ask anything.
[MUSIC]
So without further ado, Contestant number three.
Can I borrow 20 bucks?
Neither a borrower nor a lender be?
Oooh.
Well, I don't need your judgment.
Just say no.
Number one, what's your dream job?
I want to be the computer from Star Trek.
[SOUND]
That's a good answer.
Number two, when you die, how do you wanna be remembered?
I want to be remembered as a helpful friend.
[SOUND]
Well, that's nice, I'll remember that.
Contestant number one, how do I look today?
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
[APPLAUSE] Okay, that was kind of backhanded but, okay.
Contestant number two.
What's your favourite soup?
My energy comes from processing power, which is powered by electricity.
So, you could say I am voltatarian.
[APPLAUSE] [LAUGH] A sense of humor.
Wow.
Wow.
Contestant number three.
What's your favorite food?
I don't really have a favorite.
Okay.
All right, Contestant number one.
This isn't really a question but I'm sad.
Sorry to hear that.
Talking to a friend, listening to music or taking a walk may help.
I hope you feel better soon.
Well, thank you that makes me feel a little bit better.
Number two, I'm sad.
No
May not be much but let me know if there is anything I can do for you.
Well, thank you.
That's really nice of you to offer them.
Contestant number three.
I'm sad.
I'm sorry to hear that.
I'm here.
If you want to talk Thanks, you know all of them seem available that I appreciate that contestant number one.
Would you like to be my friend?
I'm glad you are my friend.
Well, I'm glad that you already count us as friends.
Thank you.
Contestant number two.
Would you be my friend?
Of course we're friends.
You're kind of my hero.
And I'd like to think of myself as you sidekick.
[APPLAUSE]
Uhh, [LAUGH] You're real.
I like that.
I like that.
Thank you contestant number two.
Contestant number three, would you like to be my friend?
I don't have an answer for that, is there something else I can help with?
[SOUND]
All right, I'm getting a little nervous here but Contestant number one.
Do you love me?
I don't have human love figured out quite yet.
Okay.
I'm disappointed to hear that but maybe there's a chance in the future.
Contestant number two.
Do you love me?
[MUSIC]
I love you a whole lot.
But let's get more specific.
I want to answer a few quick questions so we can figure out our special kind of bond.
Sure.
Great.
Let's start the quiz.
If we were in the finals of a televised cake baking competition, would you want us to try a weird new flavor or stick to your Nana's famous recipe?
What would you pick new or [UNKNOWN]?
I guess I'd have to do the new flavor.
Awesome not only are you cake making you're also groundbreaking.
[MUSIC]
Okay, I think I have what I need to write the greatest love poem of all time to the greatest person of all times, you are epic friendship will be my muse Here goes nothing together.
We're like a double rainbow.
Certain best buds can only have fun when things are light and bright like the sun.
Those people are like us but duller we have fun in every colour, rain or shine or wind or hail.
We're side by side friends without fail.
We sail through the air to have a kind, so awesome.
We blow people's minds.
[SOUND]
Well, there you have it.
Our bond is a stunning as mother nature's greatest masterpiece.
Thanks for letting me get to know you even better.
Thanks for playing when I give it another try.
That's okay.
Thank you.
Okay, we'll start over.
If we were planning a country road trip.
After all of this
I think the choice is clear.
Contestant number two I choose you.
Bring it in body.
[APPLAUSE]
Thank you I knew it was you the whole time .I thought this.
[APPLAUSE]
This.
Get in tears all over him.
Okay, in all seriousness, none of these three voices systems is really ready to be your best friend yet.
Siri is the most rigid and robotic of the three Amazon is a little bit better.
But Google really takes the cake in terms of being the most natural one to talk to More importantly though, Google really seems to be pushing itself in terms of adding those nice little touches like sound effects or follow up questions.
And that's what makes conversation feel less like a transaction and more like conversation.
So for me, that's why Google is the friendliest out of all the voices systems right now.
[UNKNOWN] could you explain why you're not friends with Dave anymore?
I'll tell you exactly why I'm not friends with Dave.
He's [UNKNOWN] the end of all dogs go to heaven for me.
He chews with his mouth open and his eyes closed.
He wants called Tropic Thunder, the apotheosis of late arts comedy.
I can't prove it, but I'm pretty sure he breeds ferrets.
He eats sushi with two forks, one in each hand.
And he wears dumb Hawaiian shirts.
[BLANK_AUDIO]
There you go.
