Buzz Report: Porn is better than horns

Buzz Report Hi, I'm Molly Wood, and welcome to the Buzz Report! This week, Yahoo's the belle of the ball, YouTube protects the children, and Websites that can't handle the heat. First, though, it's the Gadget of the Week. The Gadget of the Week is the just-announced Nokia N97. It's kind of a cross between an ultra high-end smart phone and a Netbook. Looks like a pretty big phone, it's got a slide-out QWERTY keyboard with a tilting screen. It's designed for use with social networks and it takes advantage of your location to update your various status reports or let you post geo-tagged videos. It's got WiFi and GPS and a five-megapixel camera. It's 3G, but it doesn't work on AT&T or T-Mobile and we don't know when it will be released in the U.S. It costs about seven hundred dollars unlocked and the iPhone still wins. I'm sorry! I want something else to win, but the iPhone is still winning! Big, expensive, and unavailable does not cut it, people! Cripes! And now for the news. This week, there were some very short-lived rumors that Microsoft might be interested in Yahoo again. The rumors faded fast, but they were apparently enough to get another suitor interested. Former AOL CEO Jonathan Miller is reportedly trying to raise about $30 billion dollars so that his venture capital firm can buy Yahoo outright. Analysts say it's a longshot. Miller would need a LOT of outside investment, which could be tough to come by in these troubled times (flash "DRINK" on-screen), and also ... dude. I know Yahoo probably looks good to you because the guys are all over her all the time, but you get up close, and you'll see that that chick is BUSTED. Seriously. Run the other way, man. RUN. YouTube is trying to spice DOWN its image. The Google-owned video site reported that it's changing its policies around "mature" content to restrict content that's considered "sexually suggestive." You'll have to enter your age before you can watch it which means that anyone capable of basic math should be able to figure out the right date. YouTube also announced its new project, the YouTube Symphony Orchestra. They're inviting musicians from around the world to send tapes of themselves performing and the winners will get to perform at Carnegie Hall. Really? Orchestra? Because the ... ok. I know YouTube is trying to figure out a way to compete with Hulu and sites like it, but ... if you're trying to be like ... popular? May I humbly suggest that um ... porn is better than horns? In other news this week, Monday was "cyber Monday," where apparently everyone who didn't shop online last Friday or any other day of the year fired up their mouse- fingers to hunt for deals.com. I don't know what was more astonishing -- the fact that even though they KNEW Monday was Cyber Monday, dozens of HUGE Websites buckled under the traffic, including Microsoft's cash-back program ... or the fact that people have to be TOLD to shop online on a specific day. You know ... the Internet is actually open ALL THE TIME. Sheep. And speaking of Clogging the Tubes, let's have a look at what's Clogging the Tubes this week. It's Dr. Pepper backwash ... er, I mean, backlash. Apparently, Dr. Pepper promised everyone in America a free soda if Guns and Roses released its new album, Chinese Democracy, this year. I guess that's some kind of promotion, although it sounds kinda snotty to me. Anyway, shockingly enough, the album came out, after 17 years in development, Dr. P. gave people 24 hours to go to its website and print a coupon for the soda, the site's servers collapsed under the pressure, people didn't get their soda, and they blamed Guns and Roses and now GNR is threatening to SUE unless everyone who wants a free Dr. Pepper gets a free Dr. Pepper. Yeah. This is IMPORTANT stuff, here. People ... need ... their pepper. I'm Molly Wood and this has been the Buzz Report. Thanks for watching.