Ep. 1249: Where we get the senior discountA pedalocalypse will descend on New York this May when Bloomberg's Citi Bike Share plan comes to fruition. We'll weigh the pros and cons, plus Apple bikes, cell phone dial tones, a 94-year-old Tweeter, and more.
-It's Monday, April 15th. Oh crap. I gotta do my taxes. Oh, did you do them? -You gotta do mine too. -Oh. The best was you thought I was serious. -Yes. I thought were gonna start the show. -He's rolling his eyes. He's like this amateur at work but-- -5 years later, still doing it. -Welcome to the 404 Show. I'm Jeff Bakalar. -I'm Justin Yu. -I'm Ariel Nunez. -No but really. -You've ever done it yet first? -I have to send something in to get a post mark. -Wow. -Because I'm an idiot. -Yes. -And I hate the government. So I'm really waiting as long as I possibly can. -I was pretty late on mine. I got I sent my stuff over to my accountant in California last week. -Oh, that's-- -And she sent me an email back letting me know how much my return was. -Yes. -And it was a lot smaller than I wanted it to be and so I replied to that and I was like, "Hey, cool, yes. Just deposit it into my bank account, but any reason why it's so below this year," because I have to compare it to last year's. -Sure. -And no reply. Since then zero reply. So I think I'll probably hear from her next year. -When she gets that question, she's like I'm not gonna write you back. -What am I supposed to do? -She's just right. Oh, yes and Obama. -Yes. -I'll send it back to you. -Or she will probably write back. You need to make more money to get more money than that because you make $5 an hour. -Oh, man. That's crazy. This is like the worst time of year. It really is. -Why? -It's just like nothing interesting happening and then everyone just gotta get, you know, F over and O money. -Yes. -Right. Do a lot of you owe money? Do you-- -No. I'm gonna get money back. -You're gonna get money back? -Yes. -You? -I owed New York money and I'm getting very little money back. -Okay. -And then I have to pay for the accountant so I'm basically breaking even. -Nice. -A very depressing time of year. -Hey. Breaking even is good. If you could go to a casino, play for 20 hours and break even, you're in the black there, dude. -Yes. -At least I had fun. -At least I-- -That's always the rationalization. -Yes. -So today's show we're gonna talk about a few things that I'm excited about. We're also gonna announce the BioShock Infinite winners. We'll show I pick like 6 that will show and then a couple of those guys will actually be the winners. -Yes. -So we'll have fun with that. We've got emails. We've got some photos to share. -Yes. -And a few voice mails too. -Oh, mixed media. -So there's a lot of interactivity today on the program. -Yes. -And everyone should be really excited about that. -Yes. -Including you, Justin. -Yes. -Yes. -Wait, what? -What? -Because we're talking about bicycles today. -Yes. -You're not so enthusiastic about it. -Let's go. -But everyone loves bicycles especially around this time of year. Ariel, you were telling me last week that you're gonna be getting a bicycle shipped to you from California-- -Yes. -Pretty soon. -I just got it this morning. -Oh, really. -Oh, you did? -So yes I'm gonna put it together. It's all in pieces so I think after work today. -You should make Justin put it together. -Yes. We'll do a How To video out of it. -That'd be cool. -Yes. -Then you'll give me a couple of 100 bucks we'll call it even. -Yes. -He'll do your taxes next year. -Oh yes, that one. Yes, we'll be even. -That'll work. -So you're gonna be riding a bicycle around pretty soon. A lot of people are gonna be riding bikes soon. I wanna talk about New York's Bike Share program that's coming to the city in May. -Oh, okay. -But first, I wanna talk about the bikes that Apple employees ride around campus and we're talking about Cupertino campus right now. -Yes. -Right? So every big tech company has their own way of transporting their employees around the office, a lot of times-- -Really? How do they do it here? -Multiple employees. Oh, well, I'm talking about bigger campuses like Apple. -Right. I got you. -CNET is just like 1 floor. Apple has multiple buildings so you gotta get around-- -Oh, you should've said, "Jeff, there's an elevator for that." -Yes. It takes you up and down. So Google hires its own fleet of bike mechanics and you can actually go to Google's job listings website. They only have bike mechanics with the sole job of fixing bikes that people will ride around. -Really? -Don't ask me more. It was on Google's job listings page. But anyway, so there's an article being wired today and they took a trip to Apple's headquarters in Cupertino to sort of find out how they get around, and they actually have their own unique bicycle and we'll take a look at it here. They commissioned a San Francisco-based company called Public which makes their own bike frames and they used the Public M3 and it's a Mixte bike. That's M-I-X-T-E. -What does that mean? -Mixte is basically a version of the French word for unisex. And so if you look in the picture here the Mixte frames are characterized by a sloping top tube that kind of angles back at you and goes down at the same time which makes a lot easier if you'd throw your leg over the bike. -Right. -Good for men, for women that, you know, that wear skirts; for men that wear very tight jeans, it's easy. You don't have to throw your leg over too high. -Okay. -Right? -Why aren't all bikes like that? -Well, they should be but bikes like this are traditionally girlie, right? -Okay. -Like they're originally meant for women. -I never understood that but yes. -Yes. The 70s and 80s they were made for women. -Like to me, you know, I know male bikes have that almost parallel to the ground bar-- -Right. -That runs across. To me, it's just like you just asking for a crotch shot. -Right. -Totally. -You know what I mean? -Yes. -My junk is in serious jeopardy. -Yes. And if you have the bike fitted properly when you get off, you shouldn't be able to put your whole foot flat on the ground. You should be like tiptoes. -Yes. -So if you have to dismount really quick, you'll get a nut shot. -I just think-- -Which is the best part of riding a bike. -Shouldn't that just be made like pillows, that part? Should that part just be-- -Like bubble wrap on top of it? -Yes. Something super comfortable. -Maybe. You wear that cyclist cub. -Rubberized. -Maybe? -I don't know man. -They have those little guards that you could put on there, right? Those little Styrofoam thing? -Oh, right yes. Those could be for your nuts. I think-- -Yes. -But they're more for if you wanna like if you carry your bike around upstairs and stuff. -Oh, right, right. -You can put it on your shoulder when you're walking up. -It'll be cool-- -Yes. -Top to protect you. -I feel like I'm a little kid when I have that on there though. -Yes. -They come off, just training wheels. -They're like little nut-ups. -Nut-ups? -Is this the new 404 pivot? -It's just I like that. -Get your nut-ups today. -And so Apple opened their Bike Share program 2 years ago in July of 2011. So here's a closer shot of the bike. They're really cool. Public actually offers this M3 bicycle to the public, but Apple has their own version custom fitted with fenders and it's got these bags on the back for your laptop. It's also custom-painted in MacBook gray. This is what Apple is calling them. Sounds very bland, but-- -I thought it was-- Is it Google or is it Apple? What the hell. -This is Apple. -Okay. You said Google a bunch. -Oh, I'm sorry. I was prefacing the story with how every big tech company got their own bicycling. -MacBook gray. -MacBook-- -Get over yourself. -This is really cool though. -It is cool that they offered that. -Yes. I like that. It's a free service. They also offer obviously car service as well. -Yes. -But now here's their bicycles. -Can I-- I'm gonna be dead serious about this. I wanna get a bike. -What? -Yes. I wanna get a bike to ride around Hoboken a little bit. -What? -Yes. I do. -I thought you'd be more of like a rollerblading guy based on your hockey background. -Well-- -And how lame you are. -So first off, that was kind of funny. That was it. That was funny but let me drive some-- hold on. Let me drive some knowledge on you-- -Okay. -Real quick. -Yes. -Okay? -Yes. -The wheels I have on my rollerblades are supersoft. -You have rollerblades? -Yes. Like hockey rollerblades. -Okay. Oh, yes. Right. -They're soft for sport court. -Okay. -So you can't ride them on asphalt; they'll get torn up. -Oh, right. Right. -It's like 88-- no. It's like 88A or whatever it is. -Super narrow, yes. -Or the opposite. However you measure hardness in wheels. But oh, it's lower, but you know, I wanna be able to go up and you know I wanna gallop then through the town. -Yes. -How do I that? -Hoboken seems like a really cyclist-friendly-- -It is. -Town too, wide lanes, big bike lanes everywhere. -I wanna do it. I think my family so can I get-- you think I can get a bike that both Stacie and myself can ride? -Do you even know how to ride a bicycle? -Dude, I do it once a year in Ocean City. -Okay. -Oh no, you rode one on your trip too. I think you sent me a photo of that in Amsterdam or something like that. -No. We didn't do that. In Ocean City every summer when I go to Ocean City, it's coming up. -You want a bike that you and Stacie can ride to get like a tandem? -No. No, no. Let me clarify. No, that we can share like she'll use it. -Oh, right. -I'll use it. -Got you. -All right. -Yes. -Is there a bike like-- is there something-- -Yes. You can get one of these Mixte frames. -Yes. -We'll make you really girlie and-- -I don't care. I don't care how I look. -The butt of many cyclist jokes. -Dude, believe me, my vehicle of transportation doesn't matter what it looks like. -Yes. -Clearly I drive a broken 1992 Buick LeSabre. -Yes, yes. -That old like craps out the window. -Maybe a beach cruiser. -Yes. -Like a beach cruiser. -How much are-- -Those are a little hard to take upstairs though. That's I think-- -The elevator. -In the east-- -Elevator. -You have an elevator? -Elevator. -Wow. Okay. -Dude, Hoboken is pretty luxurious, okay? -Yes. -So what I do-- -They get a beach cruiser. -I say a beach cruiser. -How much? -You can spend maybe 400 bucks on a decent bike. -I was looking for like 79 dollars. -Well, man. It's like hi-fi equipment. You know you can buy a crappy bike on Craigslist but you're gonna spend a couple of hundred dollars over the next couple of months-- -Restoring it. -Restoring it, stuff falls off. Can you seriously make the effort for me and like buy the bike? -Yes. I would love to do that. I've been waiting for you to ask me this question for 5 years. -It's here. The day is here. It's here. Seriously, I need something. -Awesome. Yes. Well, you can either buy a bike or you can wait for New York's Bike Show program to come to New Jersey. -When is that? -Never. -Okay. -It's never gonna happen. -Is it now or never? -It took 100 years for it to come to New York. -I'm gonna go with now and let's just freaking get me a bike. -Yes. We'll work that out for you. -All right. Stay tuned for that. -Sweet. -In the meantime, let's talk about this Bike Show program so have you guys heard about this? -I have not. -Soon there's gonna be over 300 bikes available for rent all across New York in the five boroughs. -Yes. They did this in London. They have this in London. -Yes. It's very popular all over Europe. -Yes. Far place-- -Yes. They did this in Amsterdam too. They even have it locally, you know, in D.C. and Philadelphia I believe they have it as well. So this is gonna be sponsored by the city and the City Bike Share program is gonna launch in May in New York. This is very east coast news, well we're gonna talk about it but anyway. -No. What's crazy to me is like London is not as congested as Manhattan. -Okay. -There's a lot more open area. If I'm a tourist, I'm scared out of my mind riding a bike in Manhattan. -Yes. I agree. I agree. That's one of the big criticisms that I wanted to talk to you guys about, but real quick, 293 stations are gonna open up in New York in May with the plan of having over 600 stations and 10,000 bicycles coming over the next few years. And you know obviously whenever New York rolls out a new program like this, there's gonna be complaints. The biggest complaint with the City Bike Share program is that they're gonna be taking away parking spots from already congested parts of the city like the East Village, lower East Side, anywhere in Manhattan that's-- -Really because just to interject they put them on sidewalks in London. -Yes. So I think the plan-- well obviously there's not a lot of real estate first sidewalks already in New York-- -Yes. -For pedestrians. So they're gonna basically take the space for I think it's gonna be maybe 3 or 4 parking spots and in that amount of space, they could fit more than 10 bicycles. -Yes. -So-- -You know where they should put them? In all these wackadoo places where they have decided like make the road this pedestrian-friendly park. -Right. -Look at Times Square. -They have tables. -They did it over here at the Flatiron. -Right. -You know it's like, "Oh, you know what? If they put bikes there instead of like a place to sit-- -Right. -I think it's okay." -Well, the point I think that's the point though is that once people get all bikes they're not gonna be driving into the city as much which won't necessitate the need-- wait, which won't-- -I don't know, man. -Yes. You won't need as many parking spots because ideally these people would be on bicycles. -Yes, but they would still need a way to get into the city. -Right. If there's a lot of things wrong, this is right for us, but the point you brought up is the one that I wanted to talk about too is that-- -Terrifying. -Yes. When you ride a bike in New York it's already the most treacherous thing you could do. You know you risk your life every single day from cabs, from delivery guys on bikes riding in the wrong direction. -Doors opening. -Yes. And then traditionally when you walk around as a tourist in New York, pedestrians are never looking where they should be-- -It's the last place they'll look. -Why would you put them on a moving vehicle in front of a car? -Yes. -It seems like the most dangerous thing you could put people in. -I mean tourism death will skyrocket. -Yes. -Right. That's just one of the side effects of this initiative. -And New York drivers are the most aggressive in the world, right? -Yes, they are. -In places like Denmark where they already have it or in London. I think they are a lot more friendly to bicyclists. -Yes. -Here. Though it's easy there. -You're gonna be run over. -You know I was there for a week. It's easy-- -Yes. -To get around that city. -Yes. -I don't know. It's scary. I'm not gonna lie. I've been here my whole life. I ain't doing it. -Right. -I'm not gonna ride a bike. -Scary. -All of a sudden. -The problem too is that so these bikes, they're not gonna come with bicycle locks, right? You basically put them back into various stations around the city so you rent them on a half hour or daily or even a yearly basis and then when you're done with it, you just put it in whatever receptacle you can find that's open. -Oh, okay. -And so the problem is that these are gonna be on every other block. If it gets really popular, you're just gonna have a lot of people riding around looking for parking spots. It'll create another issue. -Yes. -So I mean there's a lot of criticisms. -This is probably the most populated congested city that they're trying this out in. -Yes. -So it's gonna take some time. We'll see what happens though. -A lot of people have bikes already though, so-- -A lot of people have bikes but I mean when you have this many more people riding bicycles in the city, you gotta open up more bike lanes too, right? And that's a safety-- -I'm telling you. The deaths are gonna be terrible. -Especially on crosstown traffic. I mean avenues are dangerous, but if you ever go onto a street-- -Yes. -Right, because all the horizontal-- -East-West street. -Are much more narrow. -Yes. They're scary. -And so you get people double parking. You get people walking in the street. -It's bad. -It's gonna be really scary. -Sucks to be these guys. -Come May. -I don't know how you do it man. I'll give you a lot of credit for that. I don't know how you ride the city on a bike. -It's gonna be really annoying for bike snobs like me. -Yes. You're-- -You know because like half the skill of riding a bike is kind of going into the flow of traffic and being sort of invisible. -Yes. -You know you kind of float in and out and your lanes split, but with there's gonna be so much more congestion people that aren't used to riding bikes especially in the city. -Yes. -Especially in America. You know you can get a lot of travelers. -You gotta be a little aggressive. -Yes. -You know I've seen you do it when you don't know I'm watching you. I've seen you do it. -Yes. -Yes, you're a scumbag. -I like the people that hold whistles in their mouth and just blow it whenever cars come in front of them. -That's lame. -Like their version of a horn. -Yes. -Oh, cool little whistle there, friend. -Yes. -I'll hear that. -All right. Let's move along. Justin, this is a question I've always wanted to know the answer to myself. Why don't cellphones have a dial tone? -Why don't cellphones have a dial tone? -Why not? -I'm asking you. -When I think about that, it's almost like very obvious-- -Okay. -Because they're not using the pulse technology that landlines are based on. -Right. -And the tone technology, right? -Yes. Yes. -Is that it? Are we done? Is the conversation-- -That's it. Yes. Let's move on. -Okay. Moving along. -Let's move on the voice mail. -Okay. So the back story really quick is back in March last month, a book was published called the Idea Factory and here it is on Amazon. Basically they traced the history of Bell Labs and the introduction of the landline which then paved the way for the mobile phone, right? -Right. -And that book explains why cellphones don't have dial tones and it's 2 reasons. One is the reason you just stated. The system was basically it bypassed the dial tone for cellphones because you didn't need to connect to a circuit board, right-- -Right. -So the dial tone was invented to let you know that you created successful connection and that was gonna then, you know-- -Right. So the dial tone was meant like awaiting your command-- -Right. -Essentially. -Right. -And when you do a cellphone call, you're just-- -You push the numbers first and then hit send it just automatically connects. -Yes. -You're not having to go through a switchboard, but-- -I wanted this to be funnier. -Yes. -This is the fun part. Just wait. Be patient. The dial tone is basically a waste of network resources, right? -Oh, okay. -So the other reason is that the dial tone was traditionally used in landlines to let you know that you succeeded in a connection, so if all the landlines were taken like in a natural disaster for example, nothing funny about that. -No. -You wouldn't get a dial tone when you pick up the phone. -But would it work? -No. It wouldn't work until-- -Of course. -You're able to get up to a new one. -So but what's interesting too is that the tones the sounds that the 1 through 0 make. -Right. -O through 9 make, they correspond to stuff and they also like can pass information within that sequence as well. Like when you call up you know even like dial 1 or press 1-- -Yes. -For this, it works on a cellphone too but they're not the same technology, but I guess they're just putting out that same tone. -Right. Like if you dial 0 it'll take you directly to an operator-- -Right. -Does that work with a cellphone? -It does. -I've never done it before. -Yes, it does. -Oh, okay. -411, same thing. -It all-- that's a number, that's phone number. Yes. Come on. Make this funnier. -Yes. Okay, yes. So the other reason was that when they invented mobile phones, it was intentionally bypassed so that you wouldn't feel rushed. You know like this was like a phenomenon with dial tones. -Yes. -Because that when you started pushing a number, you had to have that number in front of you-- -Yes. -Because there's always this worry that if you waited too long, it would either dial some foreign number for you or you'd have to start over again. -It's like this Window closed. -Yes. No one ever knew how much that was-- -What is the last number? -Yes. So this sort of like lets you be a little more patient. Like dial the whole thing in then press send. -Right. -That's cool. -Is that funny enough for you. -It is. You're right though. It's like this weird like Indiana Jones thing or like the cave door is closing and you'd be like, "Oh, God, what's the last 2 digits?" -Yes. -860, there you go. -Yes. -Exactly. -You'd eventually like hit the wrong button or something. -Yes. Your phone would explode if you didn't finish in time. It'll just go right in front of you. -Yes. Interestingly enough you know the jitterbug. -We've talked about this before. -Of course. -The jitterbug is a cellphone made especially for senior citizens that aren't using that technology. The jitterbug actually has a dial tone in it to let people know that you have a signal. -Oh, it's a fake dial tone. -It's a fake dial tone, but it directly corresponds to your signal strength so the louder the tone is, the better the signal is, which I think is a technology that they should be implementing for all cellphones, right? -Yes. -Why should you have to look at the screen which is hard to see in like direct sunlight-- -Yes. -Or something like that. -Smart. -Yes. We should have a dial tone to indicate signal strength. -Not sure we should be trying that sort of volume, that dynamic volume system with the elderly. -Right. -But nevertheless, that's a smart technology. I like that. -I agree. -Pretty cool. -I have a question for you guys though. -Yes, what's up? -I didn't have a chance to Google this, but maybe you know since you have a pretty good history of cellphones and stuff. What do you think like who do you think invented the first or the amount of time it takes for a phone to ring before the answering machine picks up? Is it the same for every network? You know is it 6 rings before it picks up? -No. It varies by-- where you talking about cellphones? -Yes, cellphones. -Oh-- -And why isn't it double the amount of time because no one listens or leaves voice mails anymore, right? So why aren't we doubling that amount of time to let people pick up their phones? -It's a great question. -That is a good question. -I was gonna say because on landlines it's up to you. You can tell-- -Yes. -The answering machine how many you want. -Right, right. But with cellphones it always seems like it's a certain amount. -It's like 7. -And then if someone's calling that you don't wanna pick up the phone, but you don't want them to know that you're screening their call. You have to let it ring for a little longer time. And how long is that? -I don't know. -Me either. -So this is not-- oh, I thought you had something prepared. -No, no. No. Totally unprepared. -We don't know the answer to that. -I don't know. I don't think-- I would think it would not vary by carrier. -No? But probably be like-- -It's a decision. It's some sort of decision made by the carrier, right, at some point. They gotta-- -I would say it's like 6 rings. -Right? -Yes. -It's about 6 rings. -I feel like that's the safe amount. -Maybe. -Of you know time to give someone. -Yes. It's like 10 seconds or something like that, 40 seconds? -I just hate, hate the voice mail thing. -Yes. Me too. -That's gotta go away. -Yes. It needs to. -You know it was on Sprint they had, maybe Verizon does it too. They do like the voice detects thing. -Yes. -It'll do like if someone leaves you a voice mail-- -Google does that. -Yes. -But it's always wrong-- -No. -It's always like someone asking me something that doesn't make sense. -Yes, yes. -Yes. I don't know. -I missed the dial tone though, right? -Yes. There's gotta be an app for that. -Maybe. -There's gotta be an app that just like the dial tone editor-- -Bring it back. -It just puts it in there. -And the comments for this thread, one guy says that he misses the dial tone and the only time he ever sees it now is in movies for dramatic effect. -Right. -Right? -They're gonna hung up. -Or in a scary movie. -Right. -We're like oh my God like no one's there. -Or the phone's off the hook. I mean they're probably murdered. -The off the hook tone that poop poop poop poop poop poop. -Yes. -That was the scariest tone ever. -Oh yes, totally. -Right. -Things weren't good if you heard that. -No. -If you've heard that tone, either someone was dead. -Yes. -Or you know you were going to jail or something. -Yes, yes. -It's crazy. -But when someone hangs up on a cellphone, you don't hear the dial tone. -No. You just hear like boom. -Yes. -That's it. -And even and I was pretty sure even when you're using a landline, I always thought this was like a fallacy in film. When someone hanged up on you, you yourself would not then hear the dial tone. -Oh. -You would just hear the click. -Oh, right, right. -But when you watch it in movies or TV, you just hear dial tone and that would signify you've been-- -You've been hung up on. Yes. -But it was inaccurate. -Right. -That was never the case. -Yes. -Yes. -Freaking liar. -God. -You can't believe anything you see in the freaking movie. -No. -Why can't they be the true mirror of our lives, right? -It sucks. It totally sucks. -It shouldn't be that way. -All right. Let's get to one or two more of these and then we got a bunch of other maintenance to take care of. -Oh, okay. Which one do you wanna talk about? -Oh, man. -Let's talk about porn. -No. We always do that. -We really have a porn story. -We don't have a porn story. Jesus. -I just wanted to hear your reaction. -All right. Listen, there's this really old tweeter. -Almost porn, almost porn. -Yes, almost porn. -So okay. Over the weekend, there was a holiday that I don't know if you guys heard about but it was called Follow A Teen, which is the 3rd Annual Twitter holiday for-- it's basically exactly how it sounds, right? So you basically find a random teen, follow them, and then report on what that teen is up to, right? -Okay. -And so buzz feeds sort of started this, and they suggest looking up keywords that only teens would use on Twitter, stuff like Oreos or second period or like homecoming and things like that. -Yes. -You should be able to find one, but I'm suggesting that maybe we have a new holiday, Follow A Granny, and the first person to celebrate this holiday should be Quilting Muriel. This is probably my favorite Twitter user ever. -Is this real? -Yes, it's real. Well, maybe not. We'll see. So Muriel is a 94-year-old Brooklynite that lives in the upper west side of New York. Now she lives with 9-year-old Yorkie named Tiger. She also happens to have 25,000 followers. -Good for her. -That was as of this morning. She has 25,000 followers and she credits her Twitter success to her young friend who by the way is 60 years old who put her on to Twitter because she was back in Los Angeles and basically Muriel helps raise money for an animal rescue organization called Tails of Joy. And she does this by selling quilts and talks about those quilts and other issues on her Twitter page. But she's really insightful as a lot of old people do. They have a rich history to talk about and a lot of great stories. -They've been around for a while. They've seen some stuff. -Yes. Louis C.K. talks about that in his new standup special, right? -Right. -So she talks a lot about food. In 1 tweet, she says, "I marvel at your joy of fresh organic natural foods. You can't imagine our joy at new canned goods, freedom, flavor, and save time. LOL. It's like that's my new invention. -This is fake. This is fake. -I love it. -This is fake. -You think? -I don't know man. That sounds like a very hip 94-year-old. -I know. We need to get her to verify this account. -I'm not saying these people don't exist. -Yes. -I would just like some sort of verification. -Well, she posts a lot of photos of herself with her dog and the quilts that she sews. -Okay. -Here's one that a French lab coat she made from her young friend, that 60-year-old. She also talks about politics too. She says, "I made it to 94 without ever shooting anyone and have lived through 6 wars." She says, "If some gun control isn't passed, I'm going to get everyone over 90 to buy guns. How safe will the big shots feel when we're fumbling around. LOL." -That's pretty funny. -That's awesome. -Yes. We give them weapons and old cars. -Yes. -Those are perfectly legal too. She talks about technology. In 1 tweet, she says I'm not quite sure but I think I'm live tweeting right now. -Nice, nice. You see. That's almost like a joke. -Yes. -I mean that's where I sort of put on my skeptical hat there. -Yes. That's awesome, right? -But it's cool. -It's probably some writer for Conan O'Brien. -Yes. It's probably some clever piece of crap. But anyway-- -You just called this 94-year-old a piece of crap. -I hope she's real. She seems delightful, a lovely woman. -Yes. -Speaking of old lovely women-- -Yes. -I visited my grandmother who's only 3 years younger than Muriel and here she is rocking that 404 sticker on her walker. -Oh, look at that. -She's rocking the-- so you know she asked, she knows she thinks I'm like on the radio, right? -We are on the radio. -Which is technically true. -Yes. -She's like, "How's that going?" I said it's going good, grandma. Her name is Harriet. -Oh. -You know it's funny she is the previous owner of my car. -Oh, the Buick. -Oh, yes. -You could put that into perspective there. -Okay. -Nice. -So I said oh yes, you know, and out of my jacket I had a sticker I said here's a sticker and I said all right I'm gonna put it on your walker. -Yes. -No trucker hat though? -No trucker hat for Harriet. -She retired the truck. -Yes. I don't know if she needs that right now. She's got enough issues going. -Oh, it's good. That is so adorable. And I bet she tells everyone that her grandson is this famous radio broadcaster. -Exactly. -She's very proud of you. -Right and she'll tell whoever listens. -The orderly, the orderly. -This is great. So that was fun. -That's really cool. -That's cool. -Yes. She's fun, she's fun. -No tennis balls on the walker though? -No, man. -For walking around. -No. She never really goes outside and that's where you need the tennis balls. -Put some hockey pocks then. -Put some hockey pocks, yes. -Yes, right on. All right. Let's do the BioShock stuff because we might run out of time for the other stuff. -Let's take a break. You don't want to take a break? -It's 7 to 1. -Well, that's is for live news. -No. We are live. Why do you wanna take a break? -No one cares about that. -Why do you wanna take a break? -Because I have a really good bathroom break video that kind of has to do with old people. -All right. Then just play it. -Okay. -Just play your video then. -It's a little older now but I wanted to show you guys. This is basically a videographer that recorded her landlady lip-syncing to her favorite song, you know, so she has headphones on and she plays the song in a video. -Okay. -It's really cute but we don't have to watch the whole thing because it's 3 minutes long, but it's Monday. No one likes Mondays and so hopefully brighten up your day like-- -All right. Let's check this out. -Happy days are here again, the skies above are clear again. Let us sing a song of cheer again. Happy days are here again. -How old is this song? -This was on Now That's What I Call Music 1. It's the opener? -Is she reading the lyrics too? -I don't know. -She's so freaking happy. -Yes. -She dons the Urbanears Plattan Plus headphones. -Yes? -Nice. -In case you're wondering. -She has very nice teeth. -Yes. -I think this song is in BioShock Infinite. -So cute. -Yes, it is. -Oh, she's losing there at the bridge there. -Do you think that she was around when the song came out on phonograph? -Yes. On cranky wheelie turny thing. -Yes. The original singer just singing it in town I'm sure. Not even recorded. -What year dude? Do you know? -I have no idea. -What's it called? Happy Days Are Here Again? -Maybe. Yes. You can look it up on Billboard. She's very cute. I hope this becomes serious. -1929. 1929, it's basically 17 years after the events of Paris Hilton. -Yes. -It's true. -Oh, I can't wait for another 50 years when the video come out of us singing the songs of our generation. -Yes. -I guess so. -To the window to wall. To the sweat drops. -We got later. -All right. Very good. Thanks for sharing that with us, buddy. -I hope that warmed your heart a little. -There's something about that like music though that's-- I don't know. It's kind of cool. -No. -I was in a restaurant when they're playing that type of music, and you just have this different sort of feeling when you're exposed to that. -Yes. It makes you wanna like do a little jitterbug. -Yes, I guess. I don't know. That's crazy, 1929. -It also makes me feel uncomfortable too because I feel like now movies always play that happy music to really awful scenes. -Yes. -They're like Clockwork Orange. -Yes. It's like paradox, that sort of thing, yes. -Yes, yes. -It's always used to show like some murder. -Yes, yes. -Oh, man. All right. Well, we're a couple of guys living on it. -This is supposed to be a happy moment. Somehow we turned it around. -It's a murder. -God, we always do that. What's wrong with us? It's got 2 of the BioShock Infinite contest submission. -Yes, more disturbing. -We've got 6 submissions here that we've taken from the lot, and I just wanna show 6 of these and then we'll announce 2 of the winners from this group of 6. So, Justin, you wanna pull these out for us? -Got it. -And we can get things going. First out is an actual photo of me. This is from Rodney. -Oh. -It's me put on the body of some MMA guy or something. BioShock Infinite, It's A Shock You're Going To Love. -I believe that's a real hand though, right? -The one on the left, my right hand in that thing is, man. I don't wanna talk more about this photo than we need to. -Where did this original photo even come from? Are you licking your fingers? -I don't know what this is from. -Really weird. -I just don't know. -It looks so real. -It does look real, doesn't it? -Yes. -So that's from Rodney, thank you sir. Next one, let's pull this up. -Oh, yes. I can't stop looking at it. -This is from Ryan, the infamous-- this was like the first one we got. It's really good. -Yes. -It's the cover of BioShock Infinite-- -Great. -With us on there, Justin as Elizabeth and me as Booker. And I like what he did with your hair. You look great. -Oh yes. It's beautiful. -You look pretty good. -Very nice. -You look pretty good. So thanks, Ryan. The next one is Luka. It's me as a handyman and-- -And me as Gollum. -And you were like-- -Now why am I crouching on the floor? -I don't know. You're picking up your hat or something? It's strange. -Yes. -This strikes me as racist for some reason. I can't tell why-- -It is like some weird propaganda. -It gives me a-- yes. It gives me a weird feeling in my stomach. -Well, thanks, Luka. Appreciate that. Moving right along, this is the condom on BioShock Infinite. -Wow. -This is from James. He says good morning, everyone. You go back to it. We'll see what he says here. "Attached is my design for a line of BioShock condoms. The morning show is great and I listen to it during my commute along with TNT. Thanks for not spoiling the ending because I just started playing last night." Well, there you go, James. Enjoy the game. Thank you for the submission. Next up-- -So is this supposed to be a condom here, this drill? -Yes. -That looks pretty uncomfortable. Is that what he's gonna do to me? -Yes. I don't know what the meaning behind all that is there. -A headless ninja turtle with a drill. -But nevertheless-- -Okay. -We have to move along. The next one is from Shawn. It is me as an original big daddy carrying Justin who's a little sister. Again, me the alpha-- -Yes, why? -You, I don't know what. -Being a theme is how our listeners perceive me. Let's move on to this last one here. -The final one, this is from Bulu Jenkins. -Oh cool, I'm the bitch again. -You're not the bitch. Here, blow that up a little bit. This is a scene early on in the game with Justin and myself playing Lutece twins, and you could see Ariel on the back as one of the posters of propaganda. -Oh, yes. -Nice. -Pretty good stuff, and on the plate is the 404 logo too, so I like this one because there's a lot of hidden gems in this one. -Wait. Who is this? Is that him? -Oh, that's Richard. On the coin is Richard. -Very cool. -So everyone is included in this one. So that's why we're gonna give the winner to Bulu, this one as well and then the first one to Ryan, the one with you and me on the cover with you with the gray hair. -Awesome. -Those are our 2 winners, guys. -Sweet. -Congratulations. I'll be reaching out for an address and send you your BioShock Infinite price packs. Congratulations to you, guys. -Gotta stop putting our photos in the internet, right? That's where they're getting all these Photoshop images. -It's too little too late, man. -I know. -There's really no way to take those back. Once they're on there, it's kind of the whole point of the old internet there. -I know. I'm learning that now. -It's kind of a bummer. We're actually out of time now. We do have some voice mails and emails to get to, but we'll put those on hold 24 hours and do it up tomorrow. -Okay. -Thanks to everyone who submitted a BioShock Infinite contest submission. You guys are awesome. We appreciate all that and give us a call, 866-404-CNET or you can email us the404@CNET.com. Follow us on Facebook and Twitter, Instagram, Reddit, and this week we're gonna have I do still believe we will have Ben Hoffman on the program. It's either gonna be Wednesday or Thursday. We'll have to see how that works out. And that's gonna do it for us on this Monday. Have a great one, guys. We'll see you tomorrow. I'm Jeff Bakalar. -I'm Justin Yu. -I'm Ariel NuÃ±ez. -It's the 404 Show, High Tech, Low Brow. We'll see you tomorrow.