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Not content with selling puzzle machines to half the world's geriatrics, Nintendo is ruthlessly hunting down the more decrepit half with a giant new DSi. Wonderfully, the DSi XL is so massive that even the most squinty-eyed codger will be able to see a word and yell what colour it is. Europe's old timers can get their papery hands on it on 5 March, but we got the chance to have a play with the Japanese version.

Now, our understanding of Japanese is frankly Shizuoka, so we apologise if we have no idea what the Hokkaido is going on in this 'early review'. We're just going to prod it and see what happens. We can tell you that the ginormous hardware is identical to the European version, with its 107mm (4.2-inch) screens, SD card slot and dual cameras.

It's available to pre-order in the repulsive colours of dark brown and wine red (pictured) and will take £160 out of your pension. That's 32 tins of Werther's Originals, or five cardigans from M&S.

You can read our full review of the Nintendo DSi that all those young people have, with their clothes and the hair. And the music! If you can call it that. They don't know they're born.

Click 'Continue' for more pics.

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Here we're taking a picture of some balls using the VGA camera (640x480 pixels). On the top screen you can see a previous photo of our faithful sub-editor, Charles, who perhaps isn't quite as impressed with this giant handheld as us. The young whippersnapper.
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Now we can use the balls as a kind of wallpaper. As with the DSi, there's also a camera on the inside for webcam-style self portraits.
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Woah, that is one fat stylus! Its shapely pen-ness makes pointing and writing easier than with the twiggy normal stylus, which is also included. There's a slot for the ickle stylus to live in, but you have to carry ol' chubby here around in your top pocket.
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Bustin' out some Civ. The big screens make playing detailed strategy games like this even more of a pleasure. In fact, if you mainly play at home on your sofa, the XL may well be the DSi for you.
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Hey, it's Dr Kawashima. Two of his noggin-stretching titles are built in.
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A two-handed comparison with its little bro, the DS Lite. It's significantly heavier too.
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The XL's screen is 107mm (4.2 inches), compared to 76mm (3 inches) on this old DS Lite and 83mm (3.25 inches) on the original DSi (not pictured).
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There are volume up and down buttons, instead of the DS Lite's slider.
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The right side has an SD card slot and a little cranny for your smaller stylus.
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Here's the glossy lid, with the camera top left. The underside has a grippier matte finish.
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