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Gadgets

Top ten gadgets to burn on Bonfire Night

Crave has wrapped up warm and is jostling round the fire for the best viewing spot -- we've put together our top ten gadgets we're gagging to see go up in flames

PURE Digital Bug Too
PURE's quirky digital radio is one of the most enduring icons of DAB technology. But just look at it -- its evil, soulless eyes and pointless twisty neck remind us of the Terminator's titanium endoskeleton. It's almost as if it could suddenly come to life and rip your throat out -- throw it on the bonfire before it destroys all humanity.

Samsung NV3
We all know how flippin' annoying it is when kids listen to loud, tinny music on the back of the bus. So why the hell did Samsung decide to fit an MP3 player and speakers (speakers, I tell you!) to the back of this camera?! Yeah, it takes decent pictures, but it has the potential to make us want to murder small children, so it's best for all of us that it burns.

Inovix IMP-5500 IPocket
This thing makes such a positive initial impression. It's beautiful to look at, has similar dimensions to the iPod nano, and sounds great. But it has arguably the most infuriatingly retarded user interface on the planet. Do yourself a favour -- lather it in petrol, wrap it in the most unstable plastic explosive you can find, add a touch of your most hateful phlegm and toss this baby in the flames.

Sony Aibo
We don't normally condone cruelty to animals, but Sony's digital puppy deserves to be put down in a painful, merciless fashion. The idea was sound: a pet puppy that never needs to be fed, walked or cleaned up after. But the execution was pants. It never listened to our commands, acted as if it was permanently doped up to the eyeballs, and its hard plastic shell made it useless for cuddling. No wonder Sony discontinued it. Fried robodog, anyone?

Nokia 5140
Ruggedised phones seem like a great idea in principle, but why coat them in the same rubber tosh that's used to make kids' toys and paint it a stupid colour? Do you really want people to think you're a cack-handed buffoon? Why not get a phone that actually looks half-decent and is rugged too? Do yourself a favour and get the Nokia 5500.

MobiBLU DAH-1900
The DAH-1900 may brag about its 153-hour battery life, but this MP3 player's battery is writing cheques its audio quality can't cash. 153 hours of listening to music you can't properly discern sounds like our idea of torture, so we're going to fling it on the flames!

Dell XPS M1210
We feel really bad about suggesting anyone throw their XPS M1210 on the bonfire. It's an excellent little laptop with enough power to do just about everything you want. The thing is, it uses a Sony battery -- the same type that has allegedly caused numerous Dell laptops to spontaneously explode. Perfect for a bonfire, then.

Sony VAIO VN-CX1
When Sony told us it has made a mouse that doubled up as a VoIP phone, we nearly wet ourselves laughing. "Good one, Sony. Now shut up and send us a laptop." Turns out the VN-CX1 is no joke. How are we supposed to make calls and use the mouse at the same time? Sony might as well have made a ham sandwich that doubles up as a pair of shoes. Burn this nonsense.

Roberts Rambler RD-76
Another DAB. The Roberts Rambler is the antithesis of the Bug's sci-fi appearance, but it's no better for it. What in the name of all that is holy inspired Roberts to use a wooden chassis and then slap a tonne of pink on each side? Chuck it on the bonfire -- the extra wood will help feed the flames for our final victim.

Gizmondo
We can't say the word Gizmondo with a straight face. Not only was the console itself very disappointing, but the company behind it became mired in scandal. One of its former executives crashed his Ferrari Enzo at 150 miles per hour, and has prior convictions for assault, forgery and fraud. It's time to burn it. Oh, our bad -- it's already crashed and burned.