You're in Vegas. Your head is throbbing like your heart during the Super Bowl. Your lips are drier than a tire in Paris-Dakar Rally. You feel like your body is on the verge of bursting in several awkward places. There's only one thing that can save you. Yes, an IV drip.
Yet the folks from ER seem reluctant to provide the service, even if you have health insurance.
Enter, then, the site Hangover Heaven. I am not sure that the words "hangover" and "heaven" have ever been successfully mixed -- except in the context of "He had such a huge hangover that he went to heaven."
However, this fine, socially conscious startup has buses that will come to your Vegas hotel and drip you back to life. At least that's what the site claims.
You might imagine, as I did initially, that this was some sort of ruse -- like the promise of beautiful Vegas girls who will come to your hotel room and, well, be beautiful.
Yet the Las Vegas Review-Journal reports that the anesthesiologist behind Hangover Heaven, Dr. Jason Burke, is very real.
He might be on the margins of schizophrenia, though, as he seems to have studied at both North Carolina and Duke.
His claim for his IV method is that it can cure your hangover in less than 45 minutes. But what kind of IV is this? It "involves placing a small IV in your arm to give you the necessary treatment to continue the party or just get back to your normal self."
Some people's normal selves are indeed their party selves. However, can this possibly be safe? The site claims the treatment is FDA approved and that it uses "small pediatric IV's and numbing medicine to make the process very comfortable."
It certainly sounds like going to the dentist for a filling. Except, in this case, you are being filled with nice, nutritious things that will help you jiggle to Rihanna.
The packages come in three escalating levels: Redemption, Salvation and In-Room Treatment -- the last of which costs $500 for the first person and a mere $375 for each additional victim. So a far greater bargain than a bottle of Cristal.
Burke told the Review-Journal: " It clicked that a lot of symptoms of hangovers are the same symptoms we see in the recovery room. We're using extremely safe medications."
You might wonder, though, whether people might believe in Hangover Heaven's power a little too much. Helpfully, the site does include this line: "Hangover Heaven cannot reverse death." It's best, though, to read that when you're still sober.
The service gets going next Sunday and will initially have pickups at the Cosmopolitan, the Hard Rock Hotel, the Paris, and the Bellagio. So it will surely entrance some of the higher tech beings at CES next January.
Sometimes, there's a certain joy when lateral thinking can return weak, woeful human beings to a perfect vertical state.