Oh thank heavens this embargo is up! Now it's gone 11am Central European Time, I can finally share with you some incredibly exciting news. The Porsche Design P'9981 -- a luxury phone-- is now available in a "strictly limited" gold edition!
The P'9981 Gold is a Porsche-designed BlackBerry, but it eschews such modern affectations as up-to-date
servants assistants to handle their social media accounts and appointments.
Indeed, the componentry inside this plutocrat-friendly phone is practically antique -- a quaint single-core 1.2GHz processor, a Medieval 768MB of RAM and a bijou 8GB of storage.
Wonderfully, the P'9981 Gold has an exclusive BlackBerry PIN, so when you tell your fellow oligarchs your BBM number they'll see the prefix code 2AA -- "which identifies to other BlackBerry customers that the owner has a Porsche Design P'9981 smart phone," Porsche helpfully explains -- and be incredibly jealous.
And of course they'll have read this story, because CNET is very popular among Russian oil billionaires, and how else would they know what '2AA' means?
The run of the mill stainless steel version cost a bargain-basement £1,275. Porsche hasn't said how much the 24-carat mobile will cost, but that's unlikely to be any kind of problem for you because just 25 of the custom-made blowers will be made. It'll appear in selected Porsche Design stores, such as the one in Harrods, next month.
Are you worth so much money you can splash out on an ancient phone covered in gold? Can I borrow some money? Let me know down in our exclusive comments section, or over on our high net worth Facebook page.