Sex, drugs, rock-and-roll: our innocent children need to be sheltered from this unholy triumvirate of badness, and Philips is attempting to tackle the third evil in the line-up with its new range of child-safe headphones.
Figuring that every five-year-old worth their playground cred owns an iPod Touch, Philips is pushing the sonic safety angle, quoting research from the Hearing Cooperative Research Centre that found "at least 30 per cent of Australians expose themselves to dangerous decibel levels through prolonged use of portable music devices".
The Children's Headphones range is equipped with a volume lock that allows the parentals to set sound limits — the idea being that it will prevent Australia's youth from being becoming as scattered and unaware as Ozzy Osbourne by the time they hit puberty. Sized to fit smaller noggins, they are just the thing for plopping on your ankle-biter's ears when trying to engender a precocious appreciation for Mozart.
The headphones, which are also free from rough edges, choking hazards and offensively garish colours, are priced at AU$29.95. Parents wanting to protect their cubs from the dangers of infernal rackets can order a pair from Crest Electronics.