I have lived my life blissfully unscathed by boy band phenomenon One Direction. Until now. Arm & Hammer has released two new Tooth Tunes musical toothbrushes featuring two-minute clips of the chart-topping songs "What Makes You Beautiful" and "One Thing."
The $9.99 toothbrush runs on AAA batteries. The "Music in Your Mouth" technology is described as working by streaming sound vibrations through the brush's bristles into the teeth, making it one of the more bizarre applications of bone-conduction music delivery.
In one of the greatest press release lines ever written, Arm & Hammer trumpets the new gadget by saying, "It's like a private One Direction concert in their mouth!" I don't think I want a private concert by any band in my mouth. I especially don't want One Direction setting up shop in there.
The purpose of the brush is to convince people to spend the full recommended two minutes of time brushing their teeth. You had better really like the featured song, however, or it might have the opposite effect.
Perhaps this abomination of a toothbrush will encourage impressionable pre-teen girls to suddenly develop a passion for oral hygiene. I really shouldn't judge. I'd be the first one in line at the toothbrush aisle if they came out with a Bob Dylan musical toothbrush. I'd love to scrub my chompers for 11 minutes while listening to all of "Desolation Row."