The trailer for "Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle" has arrived and, just like a Guns 'n' Roses cover band, it is a poor man's cousin to a '90s powerhouse that no one asked for.
It's been 22 years since the original film hit cinemas, and in that time, apparently table top games are out and console games are The Future.
A brain, an athlete, a basket case and a princess get stuck on detention in a premise that is similar to, yet legally distinct from, "The Breakfast Club." They find an old video game and get sucked inside the world of Jumanji, Alan Parrish style, taking on the bodies of their in-game avatars. And just like we rolled a hard two, we quickly learn that this will not be an easy mission.
In the jungle, our heroes get new archetypes to play up to (it's like we're in stereotype "Inception" here). The brain becomes The Rock, the basket case becomes the hot one and the athlete becomes the short guy! And because our high school scenario was coming uncomfortably close to passing the Bechdel Test, the princess turns into a schlubby Jack Black professor (that'll teach you for making "Shallow Hal")
From there we get the usual dice roll of monsters, wild jungle, daring leaps and brave escapes. It's all pretty familiar territory -- so much so, I can't help but wonder if they time-shared with "Kong: Skull Island."
So much of the joy of the original film was in seeing the lost world of Jumanji leak into the staid climes of New Hampshire. Watching Alan Parrish (a sorely missed Robin Williams) emerge like Tarzan from 26 years in the deepest darkest jungle made the kid in me imagine all the messed up things he'd seen.
Here, it feels like we'll get to see it all. Sure, it looks good (when I die, bury me on Panther Mountain), and the all-star cast are able guides. Dwayne Johnson, I would quite literally follow you anywhere. (Seriously, real or fictional. I will be there. Call me...)
"Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle" hits theatres this Christmas. Out with the old, in with the new-manji.