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Christmas Gift Guide
Culture

It's SpongeBob SquarePants' 30th birthday, here's your shopping list

Are you ready, kids? Please send all presents care of a pineapple under the sea.

SpongeBob SquarePants is 30, and he doesn't look a day over zero, because he's insanely happy all the time, and also sponges don't show their age.

Nickelodeon

He doesn't look it, but according to SpongeBob SquarePants' driver's license, the perpetually sunny Bikini Bottom resident turns 30 on Thursday.

Forgot to get a gift? There's still time to ship some nautical nonsense down to his pineapple under the sea. Here are a few ideas:

An abrasive side, like the one his snail Gary ordered for him so he'd stop being such a doormat. (Spoiler: Grandma ended up with it,)

A CD of "Musical Doodle," the infectious earworm that almost ruined his life -- and may still be annoying Squidward to this day.

Boating lessons with Mrs. Puff, since those always work out so well. And he needs them, since that driver's license was given under false pretenses and was quickly shredded.

A pet for Gary the Snail that's not a terrifying five-tongued snail-killer.

A plateful of Pretty Patties, the Krusty Krab specialty that Bikini Bottom residents loved, until they discovered they turned their skin rainbow colors and made their tongues glow in the dark.

A pair of round pants for when all his square ones are in the wash. It's still him, it's not as if his stupid friends won't recognize him. Wait...

Now just be sure and invite the Hash Slinging Slasher, pack your best spatula, and bring along the Krabby Patty secret formula. (Dammit, Plankton, we knew you were writing this all along. Nice try.)

(Via Neatorama)