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Fox News goes to the Apple store and finds apocalypse

Technically Incorrect: The O'Reilly Factor sends its witty correspondent to the Apple store in order to see if the machines are taking over the world. (They are.)

Technically Incorrect offers a slightly twisted take on the tech that's taken over our lives.


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She likes to look at iPads in the Apple store. IamYesYes/YouTube screenshot by Chris Matyszczyk/CNET

As the world spins toward its future, or perhaps its end, we wonder whether the machines are truly our best friends.

The bastion of fairness and balance, Fox News, went to the heart of the technological revolution in order to see whether humans are even humans anymore.

So it sent the O'Reilly Factor's Jesse Watters to wade beyond Cupertino's image and to identify humanity's current state.

It wasn't good. The state, I mean, not the segment (which was of another level of quality altogether).

You had a feeling things weren't going to go Apple's way when the segment began with Bill O'Reilly sitting in front of a large sign that read: "Apple Store Madness."

O'Reilly began with his usual sense of calm objectivity: "To me, this high-tech stuff is like opium. People become addicted and spend much of their lives on these crazy machines."

He then added: "And nowhere is that more on display than in the Apple store."

It seemed, though, that Watters and his crew weren't actually allowed to film in the Apple store. Instead, he stood outside and asked people about their obsessional proclivities. They were happy to provide him with fine fodder.

A woman told him she spent her time in there just looking at iPads. A couple admitted they stared at their phone screens all day. And then, of course, the innocents were presented with the choice of either giving up Apple products for a week or sex for the same period. (It wasn't specified whether they had to give up sex with a specific person.)

You just know what they chose -- well, the ones that made the cut anyway.

"Is it as bad as I think it is?" O'Reilly asked Watters at the end. He didn't mean the show, he meant the state of the world.

What could Watters say to O'Reilly's amiright? Bill's Bill of Being Right was passed by acclamation. (O'Reilly's concluding remark: "Then next 10 years -- wait'll you see the difference in the country. It's already getting desperate.")

It seemed from Watters' questioning of the Apple store customers that he wanted to prove not only that they were enslaved by their gadgets, but that they knew nothing of the outside world.

Yes, many of them couldn't name the vice president. This, quite clearly, was the gadgets' fault, as opposed to, oh, the fault of venal, trust-free politicians or cynical, windbag TV stations.

So there we have it. We are all doomed. It is the gadgets' fault. And most of all, apparently, it is Apple's fault.