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Jimmy Kimmel mocks shopping at Amazon's Whole Foods

Commentary: The late night host thinks he's just trying some hummus. Then things go all Amazon. For Kimmel, it's a terrible idea.

Technically Incorrect offers a slightly twisted take on the tech that's taken over our lives.


They used to just smile at you. Now they want to know how many stars you'll give your hummus.

Jimmy Kimmel Live/YouTube screenshot by Chris Matyszczyk/CNET

The nice hipsters at Whole Foods are stroking their beards and worrying if soon they'll be replaced by robots.

After Amazon's $13.7 billion offer to buy Whole Foods -- an offer that made Whole Foods CEO John Mackey fall in love -- many wonder how the home of organic groceries will change.

On Tuesday night, Jimmy Kimmel presented his thoughts. Nightmarish thoughts.

There he is in his local Whole Foods, accepting an offer to taste some pita chips and hummus. He's barely swallowed when the kind Amazon Whole Foods employee offers, "Did you like that just the one time or would you like to have it every month?"

Yes, when Amazon gets hold of Whole Foods, it will surely bring its finest hard-sell techniques over. Like the need to ask Kimmel exactly how many stars the hummus was worth. 

And then the AWF employee presents fascinating information, "You know, people who bought that hummus also enjoyed our tzatziki dip and our triple-A batteries."

Suddenly, you're in a whole (foods) new world. 

It's one in which everything you buy has an algorithmic relationship with your fellow humans and everything they buy. You are all, in Amazon's eyes, prime suspects for more buying. 

"Would you like to sign up for Whole Foods Prime?" asks the primed Whole Foodster. "It's $600. Along with your hummus, you'll get a free streaming series form the Duplass Brothers."

Who could say no? The opportunities seem infinite. 

Why, Kimmel orders some hummus and it arrives by Hummus Drone. Wouldn't that make shopping at Whole Foods a little more exciting? The comedian decided it wouldn't. Indeed, it was revealed that the tagline for the new Whole Foods is: "Amazon Whole Foods. A Terrible Idea!" 

Oh, but some ideas that seem terrible at first go on to be great successes. You used to love going to bookstores, remember?