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Get-rich-quick tips for execs

NEWS.COM offers a top ten list (à la David Letterman) for revitalizing a business during the summer doldrums. (Hint: It's the Internet, stupid.)

Tired of your company's sagging fortunes? Taking a cue from David Letterman, CNET NEWS.COM offers the top ten tips for revitalizing a business during the summer doldrums:

10. Declare yourself an Internet company. It doesn't matter if your mainstay business is enterprise software or fish meal. Go for it!

9.  Make your Web page a "portal." Use the "p" word (frequently and conspicuously) to reinvent your stale Web site.

8.  Become an "e-tailer." Instead of selling your products in stores or by mail order, become an electronic merchant.

7.  Tell the world that you may forge an alliance with an "old" media company. It doesn't matter whether you have a deal pending or not; just say that one is "under consideration."

6.  Don't worry about turning quarterly profits. Use your inflated stock price to make acquisitions and investments to build an Internet empire.

5.  If you haven't gone public already, file for an IPO. If you don't go public at first, file, file again.

4.  If you rate on any list that purports to measure the most heavily visited Web sites, issue a press release to tout it.

3.  Make sure your executive roster has enough "twenty- or thirty-somethings." It helps if they are billionaires, at least on paper.

2.  Keep your company name short, preferably two syllables or less. Make sure you hire attorneys to protect your trademark rights, even if your company's name is one of the most common words in the English language.

1.  Make sure you invest in computer equipment to keep your business up and running.