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This Apple Watch 'ad' may make you profoundly uncomfortable

The not-safe-for-work Apple Watch band animations the company does in fact want you to see.

James Martin/CNET

It's unclear when Jony Ive-inspired Apple product language started to resemble quasi-erotic offerings at the altar of technology. But we can be sure where it's ended up -- with these Apple Watch band animations, found on Apple's online store.

Sir Jony Ive, Apple's senior vice president of design, is known both for his conscious shaping of the look and feel of modern consumer technology and for his British-accented narrations of Apple product videos, which gives them the gravity of a life-changing moment. The band animations, which are designed to show potential customers how to put on Apple's new smartwatch, clasp around your wrist in a fashion only Ive's voice could accentuate.

You know, the voice that makes consumers tear up, pull out their wallets and consider, briefly, how strange their relationship with inanimate objects can really get.

Ive headlined the more detailed and intricate description of the Apple Watch on Monday during the company's "Spring Forward" event, where consumers got a release date and a look at the device's eye-popping price range ($350 to $17,000, to be released April 24). There, Ive used phrases like "meticulously formed," "machined, buffed and textured," along with other not-so-subtlety suggestive wording that turns Apple product videos into the stuff of gadget-porn legend.

CNET decided to go one step further:

Apple did not immediately respond to a request for comment.