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AEsir AE + Y solid gold phone costs £36,000

The AEsir AE + Y -- or AEsir Æ+Y if you're Danish -- is a solid gold phone that doesn't even surf the Web, but does cost £36,000.

We are the 99 per cent -- but this phone very definitely isn't. The AEsir AE + Y -- or AEsir Æ+Y if you're Danish -- is a solid gold phone that doesn't even surf the Web, but does cost £36,000.

Danish company AEsir -- named for the pantheon of Norse gods like Odin and Thor -- crafted the AE + Y with the help of several British engineers and designers, including icons by Tom Hingston, the chap behind album covers such as Massive Attack's Mezzanine and St Elsewhere by Gnarls Barkley.

The ringtones come from jazz musician Chris Minh Doky, and a crew of former Nokia engineers took care of some of the hardware and software details.

The phone takes several cues from precision watch engineering, featuring watch-bandesque edge-to-edge keys, ceramic plates that wrap around the phone, and seamless joins. The numbers are micro-engraved into the keys, which are made of solid gold, and the screen is made of sapphire crystal.

Sadly there's no snapping tipsy debutantes on your yacht, playing Angry Birds with angry investors or Googling yourself to see where you placed on the latest rich list, as it lacks a camera, apps or Web browsing.

AEsir reckons this is isn't just about a conspicuous display of wealth: the opulent materials are also chosen for their ruggedness (gold in particular is famously hard-wearing... oh), with the phone designed to last a lifetime. Or until the AE + Y 2 comes out, obviously.

The AE + Y is in ultra-rich competition with the Vertu Constellation T, a luxury blower from Nokia. The Constellation comes wrapped in stainless steel and diamonds -- yes, diamonds. Vertu also offers a concierge service at the end of the phone that will secure anything you desire, at any time.

The AEsir Æ+Y comes in two fancy flavours: the gold model costs £36,000. There'll only be 25 of the gold phones made this year. It also comes clad in a stainless steel version if you're a little short this month, setting you back a paltry £6,300. But who'd be seen dead with the stainless steel version? So déclassé.