NASA promises there aren't any child slaves on Mars

NASA is officially on the record on the existence of a colony of child slaves on Mars. The space agency would like you to know there isn't one. In fact, as you may recall, there still are no humans on the Red Planet, just a few robots.

If you hadn't heard about the notion that children have been secretly shipped to a colony on Mars over the past couple of decades, it's probably because you don't spend much time on the more conspiracy-minded corners of the internet or radio dial.

This week, leading conspiracy hawker Alex Jones hosted a discussion of the absurd child slave colony story on his long-running web and radio show "Infowars."

"This may strike your listeners as way out but we actually believe that there is a colony on Mars that is populated by children who were kidnapped and sent into space on a 20-year-ride," guest Robert David Steele, described by Jones as a "researcher," said on Thursday's show. "So that once they get to Mars they have no alternative but to be slaves on the Mars colony."

There is, of course, no credible evidence for any such claim. But just in case, the Daily Beast asked NASA about it.

"There are no humans on Mars. There are active rovers on Mars. There was a rumor going around last week that there weren't. There are," NASA spokesman Guy Webster told the outlet. "But there are no humans." 

NASA engineer Bobak Ferdowsi, perhaps better known as the "mohawk guy" from the Curiosity rover mission to Mars, expressed similar incredulity at the concept on Twitter.

Part of the answer to his question is that it's part of a wide-ranging and bizarre conspiracy theory spread by Jones and others that involves a sci-fi-like conception of our world in which the powerful enslave and murder children to harvest their energy in some weird, "Highlander"-like way.

Jones has been a fixture on the conspiracy theory scene dating back to the 1990s. He gained new prominence over the past few years when it became clear he and Donald Trump had a mutual admiration for one another. Jones was an early Trump supporter, and the president has called Jones a "good guy."

If you want to go down the rabbit hole of Jones' Mars slave ideas, his extended appearance on a recent episode of the "Joe Rogan Experience" podcast provides a primer on the insanity.

Of course to some, NASA's denial of an interplanetary child slave trade only strengthens the case that such a thing exists -- despite the fact it would be really hard to keep all those rocket launches secret as they tend to be loud. Because, obviously any government agency involved in such a conspiracy is going to deny it, right?

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