When you load up Apple CarPlay, one of its major capabilities is the ability to read out your text messages. Of course, CarPlay just can't omit emoji, so instead of displaying a smiley, it actually reads out a description of the emoji in the text message. But what are these descriptions? Luckily (or not), there's a YouTube video to answer that exact question.
Our friends at Motor1 claimed they needed to punish their video producer, and the result is a 30-minute video of Apple CarPlay reading out every single emoji in the iOS library (well, almost). While I'm sure the producer suffered, we're all the better for it -- if only because Apple describes one emoji as "excited face with money symbols for eyes and a stuck out tongue," which is hilariously specific.
In case you're wondering, the poop emoji is at 2:36. (I know you're wondering; I was, too, it's OK.) Now, how long till someone autotunes this?