Apple CarPlay reads every emoji: Here's how the world burns

If you leave this 30-minute video on in the background, it makes for some surprisingly calming ambience.

Andrew Krok Reviews Editor / Cars
Cars are Andrew's jam, as is strawberry. After spending years as a regular ol' car fanatic, he started working his way through the echelons of the automotive industry, starting out as social-media director of a small European-focused garage outside of Chicago. From there, he moved to the editorial side, penning several written features in Total 911 Magazine before becoming a full-time auto writer, first for a local Chicago outlet and then for CNET Cars.
Andrew Krok

When you load up Apple CarPlay, one of its major capabilities is the ability to read out your text messages. Of course, CarPlay just can't omit emoji, so instead of displaying a smiley, it actually reads out a description of the emoji in the text message. But what are these descriptions? Luckily (or not), there's a YouTube video to answer that exact question.

Our friends at Motor1 claimed they needed to punish their video producer, and the result is a 30-minute video of Apple CarPlay reading out every single emoji in the iOS library (well, almost). While I'm sure the producer suffered, we're all the better for it -- if only because Apple describes one emoji as "excited face with money symbols for eyes and a stuck out tongue," which is hilariously specific.

In case you're wondering, the poop emoji is at 2:36. (I know you're wondering; I was, too, it's OK.) Now, how long till someone autotunes this?