Back in the late 1980s, Madonna insisted that it was important that you "Express Yourself". A year earlier, pioneering hip hop artists N.W.A. did the same, albeit with a little help from Charles Wright along the way. Twenty-odd years later, it seems that Microsoft has caught the self-expression groove with the Express Mouse, a plain USB mouse decked out with suggestions that you use it to "express your fun side".
Your expressive fun side in this case is neither aggravating the Catholic church nor creating Gangsta rap, but is instead shown through your choice of mouse colour. The Express Mouse is available in a variety of hues, all given fancy marketing names, but that we'll refer to as grey, pink, green, purple and blue. Microsoft sent us the grey model to review, possibly the least expressive of the range. It's worth noting that whatever hue you choose, the colour only extends to the mouse wheel and a thin rubber rim around the body of the device that feeds out into the USB cable. For some odd reason, Microsoft's stuck this on the top left hand side of the mouse, rather than the centre. For right-handed users it provides a finger rest; we suspect left-handed users may find it gets in the way in that position.
The Express Mouse is a two-button, cabled USB mouse with a clickable scroll wheel. That's it. Nothing more to see here.
We're not sure, but we suspect that this is the smallest feature set of any product we've ever reviewed here at CNET Australia. You may now release the streamers and pull the party poppers.