Rich people let me play with their gadgets. It got a little crazy.

Yamaha's $16,000 FX Cruiser SVHO can go 70 mph. Standing still.

There's a phone cubby, but mine didn't fit.

Hairmax's laser hair growth system costs $800.

Results are not guaranteed.

For when rose gold isn't distinguished enough. Left: Logo in Sapphires, $10,000. Right: Leopard print in gold, $8,000.

Phone cases made from slaughtered animals cost $200 and up, and include python, stingray and ostritch.

Gamut Audio out of Denmark makes expensive audio gear.

And chairs. Here's me learning the whole system costs $60,000.

Luraco's $8,500 iRobotics 7 massage chair is so good, I stayed in it until I turned 80. And female.

Vespas are known as cheap wheels, but not the $11,000 Armani 946.

The three-wheeled Piaggio MP3 goes for $8,000. I call it Robotface.

If one wheel's enough for you, hop on a $800 Ninebot. For liability reasons, they wouldn't let me :(

Virtual reality pedaling with the $400 Virzoom bike is my speed.

Dive Pegasus!

Blueair's aware air-quality cleaner and monitor cleans up stink for $700.

Results not guaranteed.

Astell & Kern's all-copper high-res audio player with headphone amp bathes your ears in $5,000 worth of heavy metal. Or Steely Dan.

Say what? Turtle Beach's HyperSound Clear speakers, designed to help people with hearing loss, start at $1,500.

The $1,500 AKG N90Q active noise-canceling self-calibrating cans sound so good, I grew a beard (and got 10 years younger).

The Snouza Pico monitor asks $150 to reassure you your kid is still alive. Or breathing, at least.

The $280 Oura ring monitors sleep patterns.

The app then suggests stuff like "get more sleep."

If too much sleep IS the problem, Fiera's "arouser for her" is one possible solution.

The arouser applies suction and stimulation to her clitoris. It's $250. I have nothing else to say.

At $140,000, the BMW i8 is a somewhat larger investment in arousal.

I was just happy they let me sit inside.

Thanks for letting me play with all the luxury gadgets, RJ Mitte of "Breaking Bad"! Sure was fun.