For the launch of Killzone 3, CNET Australia headed off to the ISA recruitment centre to see if we have what it takes to survive the coming war on the Helghan Empire.
It's a deceptively mild summer afternoon when we arrive at the Killzone ISA recruitment centre, ready to be put through our paces.
Inside, propaganda posters plaster the walls.
We start to worry that Our Illustrious Leaders and Our Glorious Cause may not be as illustrious and glorious as we've been led to believe.
Or maybe they just don't want us to lose sight of what we're fighting for. Wait. What are we fighting for?
Our Commanding Officer was none other than The Biggest Loser's The Commando. He seemed like quite a nice chap, actually, but we have to be suspicious of anyone whose name means "He who does not wear reginalds".
Menacing and silent, the trainers wait in the darkness as we receive our initiation instructions...
Then, he appeared out of nowhere. What exactly a Helghast was doing at an ISA recruitment centre, we'll never know. He stood and stared at us, as though daring us to try something.
No one did.
Our first task? Assemble our weapons.
GameSpot AU's James Kozanecki had his gun assembled in record time; 27 seconds! He was rewarded with an extra ration of gruel.
Next up, it was time to learn to use it. (The launch date for the Move controller gun peripheral is yet to be announced.)
First, we got to find out what it was like to try and shoot Helghasts through the driving snow, if snow was actually small flecks of foam that isn't very cold.
And then by firelight. If firelight doesn't actually burn anything. Is the ISA even taking this war seriously?
Meanwhile, Helghasts continued to lurk. A security problem was rumoured.
Recruits thronged the skill testing stations, eager to pit themselves against the machines and one another. Any injuries on the training field are chalked up to Darwinisim in action and shrugged off.
Luckily, we only lose two men.
To complete the climate training, we were ushered into a mysterious and disconcerting metal box...
...where, in artificially lowered temperatures, we learned the art of warfare under conditions very fractionally closer to the Siberian Tundra.