"Before every tweet, I take deep hits of gaseous cocktails comprised of 78% N2 and 21% O2 ... I also recreationally consume large quantities of dihydrogen monoxide. On the street, I pay up to $2,000 per megagram for it."
"From Venus? Then you're Venusian. But the proper term is venereal. Unfortunately doctors nabbed it before astrophysicists did."
-- Feb. 14 2016
A bit disappointed that the corrugated shipping box hasn't changed in over a century. Maybe what I really want is wormhole-shipping. Buy something online. A 4D portal opens and a person hands you the product.
"I hear that the flat-Earth movement may be gaining momentum all around the globe."
"Earth's moon is five times more massive than Pluto. Get over it."
"You should all know by now that if you accuse me of being a Nerd or a Geek, I'll simply take it as a compliment and move on."
-- Feb. 8, 2015
"Would be cool if space aliens landed on Earth and instead asked, 'Take me to your common people!'"
A visual tweet from July 2015.
"Just because you can't figure out how ancient civilizations built stuff, doesn't mean they got help from aliens."
-- Dec. 5, 2014
"If Picasso were reincarnated I wonder if he'd return as a flounder, or other fish with both eyes on the same side of its head."
-- Oct. 9, 2014
"Dec 25: On this day long ago, a child was born who, by age 30, would transform the world. Happy Birthday Isaac Newton b. Dec 25, 1642"
-- Dec. 25 2014
"And no denying it. The zero is badass: Arabic Numerals: 0. Roman Numerals: <does not exist>."
-- Feb. 1, 2015
"I wonder if sharks feel sorry for humans because we get only two sets of teeth, rather than unlimited."
-- Feb. 1 2015
"Always liked Dawn as a name, evoking the start of Day. But we're overdue for people to be named Dusk, the start of Night."
"When I shop for fruit & melons I like to hold a grape next to a cantaloupe & think of Earth next to Jupiter. Then I eat Earth."
"I wonder what passports & immigration & border patrols look like to real aliens -- the kind from space. Might they ask, WTF?"
-- Feb. 5 2015
"Occasionally I wonder what a football game would be like if played by Zombies. Would be slower, but oh so much more violent."
-- Feb. 1 2015
"Some claim the USA is a Christian nation, compelling me to wonder which assault rifle Jesus would choose: the AR-15 or AK-47."
"Dracula & other undead people who sleep in coffins must have good abs. They always rise up flat-backed when the casket opens."
-- Aug. 3 2014
"Wouldn't it be cool if zombies & vampires became human if we bit them first? Somebody needs to test that hypothesis."
-- Jan. 5, 2015