These Neil deGrasse Tyson tweets prove that astrophysics is hilarious (pictures)
The pop scientist/TV star shares LOL musings about the future, zombies and shopping for melons.
On water and air
"Before every tweet, I take deep hits of gaseous cocktails comprised of 78% N2 and 21% O2 ... I also recreationally consume large quantities of dihydrogen monoxide. On the street, I pay up to $2,000 per megagram for it."
On VD
"From Venus? Then you're Venusian. But the proper term is venereal. Unfortunately doctors nabbed it before astrophysicists did."
-- Feb. 14 2016
On parcel post
A bit disappointed that the corrugated shipping box hasn't changed in over a century. Maybe what I really want is wormhole-shipping. Buy something online. A 4D portal opens and a person hands you the product.
On flat-Earthers
"I hear that the flat-Earth movement may be gaining momentum all around the globe."
On Pluto's demotion to planetoid status
"Earth's moon is five times more massive than Pluto. Get over it."
On social graces
"You should all know by now that if you accuse me of being a Nerd or a Geek, I'll simply take it as a compliment and move on."
-- Feb. 8, 2015
On alien demands
"Would be cool if space aliens landed on Earth and instead asked, 'Take me to your common people!'"
On climate change
A visual tweet from July 2015.
On ancient astronauts
"Just because you can't figure out how ancient civilizations built stuff, doesn't mean they got help from aliens."
-- Dec. 5, 2014
On bottom feeders
"If Picasso were reincarnated I wonder if he'd return as a flounder, or other fish with both eyes on the same side of its head."
-- Oct. 9, 2014
On the other savior
"Dec 25: On this day long ago, a child was born who, by age 30, would transform the world. Happy Birthday Isaac Newton b. Dec 25, 1642"
-- Dec. 25 2014
On nothing at all
"And no denying it. The zero is badass: Arabic Numerals: 0. Roman Numerals: <does not exist>."
-- Feb. 1, 2015
On shark teeth
"I wonder if sharks feel sorry for humans because we get only two sets of teeth, rather than unlimited."
-- Feb. 1 2015
On the next generation
"Always liked Dawn as a name, evoking the start of Day. But we're overdue for people to be named Dusk, the start of Night."
On produce
"When I shop for fruit & melons I like to hold a grape next to a cantaloupe & think of Earth next to Jupiter. Then I eat Earth."
On immigration reform
"I wonder what passports & immigration & border patrols look like to real aliens -- the kind from space. Might they ask, WTF?"
-- Feb. 5 2015
On zombies
"Occasionally I wonder what a football game would be like if played by Zombies. Would be slower, but oh so much more violent."
-- Feb. 1 2015
On the New Testament
"Some claim the USA is a Christian nation, compelling me to wonder which assault rifle Jesus would choose: the AR-15 or AK-47."
On health after death
"Dracula & other undead people who sleep in coffins must have good abs. They always rise up flat-backed when the casket opens."
-- Aug. 3 2014
On the science of horror
"Wouldn't it be cool if zombies & vampires became human if we bit them first? Somebody needs to test that hypothesis."
-- Jan. 5, 2015
On ancient history
"#WhenIWasYourAge: Before Xerox copiers, we all got high in elementary school by smelling mimeograph ink."